Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
When I want your remarks, I'll rattle your cage.
Do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight.
You know, bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on a Saturday night.
Would you be so kind as to lend me your heart, or shall I cut it out myself?
I love a good South of the border crossing.
Excuse me, can you spot me? I think I'm falling for you.
You need to talk to your Bishop about the word of wisdom, because you are smokin'.
Hey! Cabezona! Come here girl.
Are you an interior decorator? Cause you are making this room beautiful
Hey fellas, let's bowl some balls?
Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well.
An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.
You're the Obi-wan for me.
I could put some motion in your ocean.
Guys drive big cars to make up for a lack of something else. Wanna know why I drive a Mini Cooper?
What's invisible and smells like carrots? Rabbit farts.
If work is so great, why do they have to pay you to do it?
I can't believe they don't serve Everclear in this place!
Baby you light up my diwali like nobody else.
Life is scary; at least the salary is funny.
You're so hot, you put the desi in desirable.
Drinking after work is great, but if you want to enjoy work, drink before work.
Hi dollface, wanna come uplines and let me park my throbbing spaceship in your steaming volcano?
Your doghouse or mine?
What does a mathematician do when he's consitpated? -- He works it out with a pencil
The reward for a job well done is more work.
Allah created everyone in pairs, so what are you doing, single?
How about I shift my stick into something else...
Is your name Virtue? Because you garnish my thoughts unceasingly.
If something goes wrong at the office, blame the guy who can't speak English!
My vibrator is out of batteries, can I borrow you instead?
Is your body from McDonald's? Cause I'm lovin' it!
Baby I can be Spain and you can be Ireland, tonight. In other words, I'm gonna screw you hard!
You must be a verdict, because you've sentenced me to love.
Since chocolate is toxic to me, how 'bout a little sugar?
The way you wear that sarong, it should be called a saright.
Your lips look lonely. Let me introduce them to mine
I need to learn to love myself before I can love you.
I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand
You bleach your hair? Im the same way! I bleach the bloodstains out of my carpet!
What never eats at Christmas dinner? The turkey – it's stuffed
The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you.
Since I met you I feel like the cat who got the cream.
I could spend a millennium in your falcon.
Hey, I don't mean to grab but, I'm a real ladykiller.
I love to make good wine bet I can make you whine good too.
Are you a surfboard? Because I want to ride you.
Uhhhh, my lead off's not great, and though I may be off base, I'd like to take you on a date.
I don't want the responsibility of someone else's happiness.
How can you kill an stupid person with a coin? Throw it in front of an oncoming bus.
If someone throws sharks in the water, I'll save you first.
Coffee, tea, or just more of me?
The Irish way - Now don't be talking about yourself while you're here. We'll surely be doing that after you leave.
Hey chef, are you a recipe? Because you have all the ingredients to make me melt.
My coffee isn't hot enough! Could you hold it for a while?
Are you sustainable agriculture? Cuz you're all I need to survive.
Let me roll up your rim.
Cottons not the only thing I'll be picking up tonight.
If I were a painter, I'd put you down in paint. I'd hang you by the Mona Lisa and put that girl to shame.
How does every Irish joke start? -- By looking over your shoulder.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
Is that a telescope in your pants or are you just happy to see me?
What do you call a big Irish spider? -- A Paddy long legs.
You can count on star but you can't ever count on how much I miss you.
Nice beaver you got there, mind if I pet it?
Hey can I borrow your lipstick and your lips.
Your so cute its distracting.
My striped stockings would look great on your bedroom floor.
Dammnn baby! Your body must be from McDonalds? Cause I'm Loving It!
Where's your paper bag? [huh] Your paper bag to put over your head.
I perform best when I'm wet.
How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? - He's Dublin over with laughter!
Well it's not my fault that you stole a pizza my heart.
What did the cobbler say when a cat wandered into his shop? -- Shoe!
Are you a black line? Because I could stare at you all day long.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket? I just want to make sure my eyeliner is on thick enough.
You might want to call a bomb squad, because there's going to be an explosion in your anus.
If you were a car, I'd jack you up and check out your undercarriage.
I may not be able to do miracles, but I got fish and bread enough for two. Would you like to join me?
How about we go to my garage and see what's under the hood.
I want to be like the Spirit, to be with thee whithersoever thou goest.
Let's build a home in the desert. We can Gobi together forever!
You spin my heart like a globe.
Being an ugly girl is like being a man; you have to work for your money.
The way you talk to me leaves me aphasic.
Hey girl, I put the sensual in non-consensual.
My love for you is like the Hamilton Original Cast Recording: terribly addicting.
I'm a recovering workaholic.
Even the most powerful storms of Jupiter couldn't keep me from you!
Your body is in screaming affluence!
Stop worrying about your job, you're not paid enough to worry.
Somebody call a lifeguard. Because I'm drowning in your eyes...
Hey, I'm outta work and I heard you needed some plowing.
I prefer the European version of sunbathing.
You must be an artist, because I find myself drawn to you.
You work out, I work out, I think our relationship would work out.
You can fall off a building, you can fall out a tree, but baby, the best way to fall is onto the dance floor with me.
