Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
Do I confuse your sexuality yet or should i walk by again?
Are you a sugar maple? Because I'd totally tap you.
You must be a verdict, because you've sentenced me to love.
I'm not gay. I prefer the term vaginavore.
Are you the deep end? Because I'm ready to dive right in.
Can we still share a netflix account?
Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
I'd love to be your final destination.
Drinking after work is great, but if you want to enjoy work, drink before work.
Hey! Cabezona! Come here girl.
If you were a car, I'd jack you up and check out your undercarriage.
Guys drive big cars to make up for a lack of something else. Wanna know why I drive a Mini Cooper?
I'm new in town, where's the best place to taste some really good local wine?
I know I just met you but I already like you more than candy.
Life is scary; at least the salary is funny.
If work is so great, why do they have to pay you to do it?
Honey just by seeing you from behind, I know you're a well-rounded person!
An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.
Hey girl are you the sun? Because you're brighter than my future.
I've got a little something for you to gobble on.
If ugliness was a profession, you'd be the CEO.
I could put some motion in your ocean.
Are you the pizza guy? Because you sure can deliver.
Dating me is like being in a rickshaw on a potholed road – one helluva ride!
Women should always stick together, thigh to thigh.
1+1 is equal to 4 if we don't use condoms.
Looking at you is like staring into the depths of hell, a grotesque abomination of nature.
I prefer the European version of sunbathing.
Girl, you're such a Banff (i.e., a Bad Ass, Nice, And Fascinating Female).
Do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight.
When I want your remarks, I'll rattle your cage.
You're the Obi-wan for me.
I may not be able to do miracles, but I got fish and bread enough for two. Would you like to join me?
I've got an E-Meter in my pants you can use.
You're so cute, I don't need to see your boarding pass.
You must be an artist, because I find myself drawn to you.
If I said you had a pale body would you hold it against me?
Excuse me, can you spot me? I think I'm falling for you.
You know, bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on a Saturday night.
Bible study & chill?
Your body is in screaming affluence!
Girl, you're so fetch
Hi dollface, wanna come uplines and let me park my throbbing spaceship in your steaming volcano?
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Because you're hot.
Your body is a temple, and I have a recommend.
Are you a slippery pool deck? Because I'm falling for you.
What does a mathematician do when he's consitpated? -- He works it out with a pencil
I love a good South of the border crossing.
Are you an interior decorator? Cause you are making this room beautiful
I ordered a beer because talking to you made me nervous as hell. Please, terrify me again at your earliest convenience.
You need to talk to your Bishop about the word of wisdom, because you are smokin'.
You're pawfect.
Are you Macbeth? Because your name sends shivers down my spine.
My love for you is like the Hamilton Original Cast Recording: terribly addicting.
People run screaming from you, not because you're a monster, but because your ugliness is truly terrifying.
Hey fellas, let's bowl some balls?
Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well.
I want to be like the Spirit, to be with thee whithersoever thou goest.
Looking at you takes my breath away like standing at the top of Mount Columbia.
The way you wear that sarong, it should be called a saright.
Your so cute its distracting.
Allah created everyone in pairs, so what are you doing, single?
Which reindeer have the shortest legs? The smallest ones
Are you a surfboard? Because I want to ride you.
Where's your paper bag? [huh] Your paper bag to put over your head.
Your face is like a train wreck, impossible to look away from despite the horror it invokes.
Even the most skilled plastic surgeon in the world would throw up their hands in defeat at the sight of your face.
Your car's design is so outdated, it's like a relic from a bygone era of bad taste.
Your car's headlights are dimmer than your future prospects, casting a feeble glow on the road ahead.
The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you.
Your face is a visual assault, a crime against humanity that should be punishable by law.
How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico? Fleece Navidad!
I could spend a millennium in your falcon.
Your appearance is an affront to the very concept of beauty, a walking abomination.
The reward for a job well done is more work.
If something goes wrong at the office, blame the guy who can't speak English!
What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has "no EL"!
If I were a painter, I'd put you down in paint. I'd hang you by the Mona Lisa and put that girl to shame.
Let me roll up your rim.
What do you call an elf who steals gift wrap from the rich and gives it to the poor? Ribbon Hood!
Congratulations, you've managed to achieve a level of ugliness that defies all known standards of aesthetics.
My striped stockings would look great on your bedroom floor.
Nice beaver you got there, mind if I pet it?
Hey, I don't mean to grab but, I'm a real ladykiller.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
My vibrator is out of batteries, can I borrow you instead?
How about I shift my stick into something else...
How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? - He's Dublin over with laughter!
I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand
Coffee, tea, or just more of me?
I don't want the responsibility of someone else's happiness.
You bleach your hair? Im the same way! I bleach the bloodstains out of my carpet!
How does every Irish joke start? -- By looking over your shoulder.
I need to learn to love myself before I can love you.
Since I met you I feel like the cat who got the cream.
My coffee isn't hot enough! Could you hold it for a while?
Baby I can be Spain and you can be Ireland, tonight. In other words, I'm gonna screw you hard!
Is that a telescope in your pants or are you just happy to see me?
How can you kill an stupid person with a coin? Throw it in front of an oncoming bus.
