Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
What did the cobbler say when a cat wandered into his shop? -- Shoe!
Dancing without you would be like a broken pencil, pointless.
Are you feline the connection between us?
Is your name Justin? Because I want to be Just In you.
What do you call a big Irish spider? -- A Paddy long legs.
What do you call a fat girl dancing in a club? Alone.
Can we still share a netflix account?
An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.
I love a good South of the border crossing.
Your body is a temple, and I have a recommend.
Life is scary; at least the salary is funny.
You're so cute, I don't need to see your boarding pass.
1+1 is equal to 4 if we don't use condoms.
Girl, you're so fetch
I'd love to be your final destination.
Women should always stick together, thigh to thigh.
Bible study & chill?
Do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight.
Dating me is like being in a rickshaw on a potholed road – one helluva ride!
You must be an artist, because I find myself drawn to you.
If ugliness was a profession, you'd be the CEO.
Looking at you is like staring into the depths of hell, a grotesque abomination of nature.
You need to talk to your Bishop about the word of wisdom, because you are smokin'.
You're the Obi-wan for me.
I want to be like the Spirit, to be with thee whithersoever thou goest.
You know, bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on a Saturday night.
Drinking after work is great, but if you want to enjoy work, drink before work.
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Because you're hot.
People run screaming from you, not because you're a monster, but because your ugliness is truly terrifying.
Are you Macbeth? Because your name sends shivers down my spine.
My love for you is like the Hamilton Original Cast Recording: terribly addicting.
Your body is in screaming affluence!
Are you an interior decorator? Cause you are making this room beautiful
What does a mathematician do when he's consitpated? -- He works it out with a pencil
Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well.
Hey girl are you the sun? Because you're brighter than my future.
I've got a little something for you to gobble on.
Girl, you're such a Banff (i.e., a Bad Ass, Nice, And Fascinating Female).
Are you a slippery pool deck? Because I'm falling for you.
Hi dollface, wanna come uplines and let me park my throbbing spaceship in your steaming volcano?
If I said you had a pale body would you hold it against me?
You're pawfect.
If work is so great, why do they have to pay you to do it?
Guys drive big cars to make up for a lack of something else. Wanna know why I drive a Mini Cooper?
Hey fellas, let's bowl some balls?
I may not be able to do miracles, but I got fish and bread enough for two. Would you like to join me?
If you were a car, I'd jack you up and check out your undercarriage.
I know I just met you but I already like you more than candy.
Looking at you takes my breath away like standing at the top of Mount Columbia.
Are you the pizza guy? Because you sure can deliver.
I could put some motion in your ocean.
When I want your remarks, I'll rattle your cage.
Excuse me, can you spot me? I think I'm falling for you.
Honey just by seeing you from behind, I know you're a well-rounded person!
I ordered a beer because talking to you made me nervous as hell. Please, terrify me again at your earliest convenience.
I prefer the European version of sunbathing.
Hey! Cabezona! Come here girl.
I've got an E-Meter in my pants you can use.
I'm new in town, where's the best place to taste some really good local wine?
Your face is like a train wreck, impossible to look away from despite the horror it invokes.
Your car's headlights are dimmer than your future prospects, casting a feeble glow on the road ahead.
How can you kill an stupid person with a coin? Throw it in front of an oncoming bus.
Coffee, tea, or just more of me?
Which reindeer have the shortest legs? The smallest ones
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
If someone throws sharks in the water, I'll save you first.
Your car's design is so outdated, it's like a relic from a bygone era of bad taste.
Your so cute its distracting.
The reward for a job well done is more work.
My coffee isn't hot enough! Could you hold it for a while?
How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico? Fleece Navidad!
Since chocolate is toxic to me, how 'bout a little sugar?
I could spend a millennium in your falcon.
Uhhhh, my lead off's not great, and though I may be off base, I'd like to take you on a date.
Your face is a visual assault, a crime against humanity that should be punishable by law.
How about I shift my stick into something else...
If something goes wrong at the office, blame the guy who can't speak English!
Congratulations, you've managed to achieve a level of ugliness that defies all known standards of aesthetics.
What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has "no EL"!
The way you wear that sarong, it should be called a saright.
What do you call an elf who steals gift wrap from the rich and gives it to the poor? Ribbon Hood!
Hey, I don't mean to grab but, I'm a real ladykiller.
Allah created everyone in pairs, so what are you doing, single?
I don't want the responsibility of someone else's happiness.
How does every Irish joke start? -- By looking over your shoulder.
I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand
The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you.
You can count on star but you can't ever count on how much I miss you.
I perform best when I'm wet.
You bleach your hair? Im the same way! I bleach the bloodstains out of my carpet!
I need to learn to love myself before I can love you.
Is that a telescope in your pants or are you just happy to see me?
Let me roll up your rim.
Since I met you I feel like the cat who got the cream.
Baby I can be Spain and you can be Ireland, tonight. In other words, I'm gonna screw you hard!
Are you sustainable agriculture? Cuz you're all I need to survive.
Are you a surfboard? Because I want to ride you.
How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? - He's Dublin over with laughter!
Even the most skilled plastic surgeon in the world would throw up their hands in defeat at the sight of your face.
