Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
Baby are you the 400IM because you sure take my breathe away.
Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.
Hey, look what the cat dragged in
Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane? -- Because she just had her hair done!
How'd you like to be in my will?
Are you a noose? Cause I'd love to hang out with you some time!
If you worked hard and didn't get anything in return, it means someone else got it.
You're such a pathetic excuse for a human being that even bacteria would turn their noses up at the thought of infecting you.
My email password has been hacked. That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
Are you from South England? Cause you Brighton up my day.
Hey baby, let's lay and learn what each other's bodies are for.
Well, here I am. So what are your other two wishes?
You're the girl of my nightmares.
You are the greatest sparkling wine in this world that I want to taste for the rest of my life.
Irish Blessing - As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.
What kind of music do elves listen to? Wrap
Are you my appendix? I have a gut feeling I should take you out.
You're like a cut on my wrist... people like you hurt me, but I keep getting more.
Make crime pay, become a lawyer.
Laziness is when a person doesn't fake that he's working.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
You're just my cup of tea!
Oh my god, do we have the same bra on? Let's look and see!
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
You be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, we can have it your way, I'll treat you right!
I entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
Unlike Hamlet's entire family, my love for you will never die.
Would you like to be the Radha to my Krishna?
Are you shelf 301C? Because I've been searching everywhere for you.
Are you a Subaru? Cuz you Impreza me alot!
Is that a Thetan in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Girl, are you fries? Because I would like you at my side.
Hey baby, wanna boldly go where no man has been before?
I can help you. I have fingers.
You can be the twin turbos and I can be your v8 and together we can make 545hp.
You're so repulsive, it's a wonder flies don't swarm around you like you're a decomposing corpse.
Are you a burger cuz you can be the meat between my buns
Because when push comes to shove, I will send a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love.
Are you a drill sergeant? Because you have my privates standing at attention.
When a man tells you he got rich through hard work, ask him whose?
I see you've got some tequila there, does that mean you're willing to give me a shot?
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together at an MGMT show.
There was a girl eyeing me over there, but I'm not interested because cheese not you.
If you were a basketball, would you let me lay you up?
Date a runner because everyone else is a player.
What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.
What make a forum? -- A two-um plus a two-um
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
Hey would you believe me if I said I was bitten by a crocodile?
If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid, is it?
Do you live in a cornfield? Because I'm stalking you.
Seeing you is like getting 11 McNuggets in my 10 piece meal.
Boy: Mommy, can I have a dog for Christmas? Mommy: No you'll have turkey like everyone else.
Who needs a pick up line when you've go a pick up truck.
The new drive-thru restaurant for golfers insisted on putting greens in all their courses.
Procrastination on your part does not create an emergency on my part.
Excuse me, could you please dial down your hotness, it's causing global warming
Failure is not an option, it comes bundled with the software.
Smoking is hazardous to your health... and baby, you're killing me!
Did you hear about Dracula's Christmas party? It was a scream
You can come over a work in process but I'll make sure you leave a finished good.
I am terrified of elevators. I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them.
There is something wrong with my cell phone. It doesn't have your number in it
You wanna score or just knock around my balls?
How does a penguin build it's house? Igloos it together.
You like Star Wars? Let's go back to my place and violate the Jedi Code.
What was the librarians favorite Christmas song? Silent Night
If I were a cat, I'd spend all 9 lives with you
A tractor? That's what I'm trying to do!
Are you the end of practice? Because you're always on my mind.
I love a man with a raised bed.
I hope you're good at catching cause I'm starting to fall for you.
You are like my snorkel, because you're wrapped around my mind.
Babe trust me, the only time I'd play games with you is on the court.
I may not be your cup of tea, but I'm a great shot of tequila.
Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.
ICU in my dreams.
I can score from multiple positions.
I bet you drink milk with a fork.
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time.
I can't think straight around you.
Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
You're so dumb, you think a lawsuit is something you wear to court.
The only thing straight about me is my teeth.
I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
What does a baby computer call it's father? Data.
If a star fell for every time I thought of you, the sky would be empty.
Don't save me just yet. Let me go down a few times.
Are you the black line? Because I'm lost without you.
Wi-Fi went down during family dinner tonight. One of the kids started talking and I didn't know who he was.
Too many people are ready to carry the stool when the piano needs to be moved.
What's the difference between a 16'' pizza and a musician? -- A 16" pizza can feed a family of four.
I've fallen for you so hard, I can't think straight.
The rotation of earth really makes my day.
Once you've had Alberta beef, you'll never go back.
I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.
I heard you like bad boys? Well I'm bad, at everything.
I will curry on loving you, for as long as life will aloo me.
If I had a nickel for every day I've been wanting to be with a girl like you, I still wouldn't be able to pay off my father's crippling gambling debts that tore apart my family.
You have to be flexible to work here. On many occasions, you'll be asked to bend over and grab your ankles.
