Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
Are you from South England? Cause you Brighton up my day.
Baby are you the 400IM because you sure take my breathe away.
A committee is a body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
The UPS office called. They told me I need to check your package.
You're such a pathetic excuse for a human being that even bacteria would turn their noses up at the thought of infecting you.
Baby you're as irresistible as pulling on the lane line during backstroke.
Hey, look what the cat dragged in
If you were a soccer ball, I'd never shoot. Because I would always miss you.
My email password has been hacked. That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
Make crime pay, become a lawyer.
Irish Blessing - As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.
Are you my appendix? I have a gut feeling I should take you out.
You're like a cut on my wrist... people like you hurt me, but I keep getting more.
Unlike Hamlet's entire family, my love for you will never die.
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
Oh my god, do we have the same bra on? Let's look and see!
Would you like to be the Radha to my Krishna?
Laziness is when a person doesn't fake that he's working.
You're just my cup of tea!
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
What kind of music do elves listen to? Wrap
You be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, we can have it your way, I'll treat you right!
You are the greatest sparkling wine in this world that I want to taste for the rest of my life.
You're the girl of my nightmares.
I entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
Well, here I am. So what are your other two wishes?
Hey baby, let's lay and learn what each other's bodies are for.
Girl, are you fries? Because I would like you at my side.
Are you a drill sergeant? Because you have my privates standing at attention.
Are you a Subaru? Cuz you Impreza me alot!
You can be the twin turbos and I can be your v8 and together we can make 545hp.
Because when push comes to shove, I will send a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love.
What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.
Hey baby, wanna boldly go where no man has been before?
Are you shelf 301C? Because I've been searching everywhere for you.
Are you a burger cuz you can be the meat between my buns
I see you've got some tequila there, does that mean you're willing to give me a shot?
There was a girl eyeing me over there, but I'm not interested because cheese not you.
Is that a Thetan in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together at an MGMT show.
If you were a basketball, would you let me lay you up?
Date a runner because everyone else is a player.
When a man tells you he got rich through hard work, ask him whose?
Did you hear about Dracula's Christmas party? It was a scream
If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid, is it?
Procrastination on your part does not create an emergency on my part.
Boy: Mommy, can I have a dog for Christmas? Mommy: No you'll have turkey like everyone else.
I can help you. I have fingers.
Hey would you believe me if I said I was bitten by a crocodile?
You wanna score or just knock around my balls?
I am terrified of elevators. I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them.
Excuse me, could you please dial down your hotness, it's causing global warming
Smoking is hazardous to your health... and baby, you're killing me!
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
Do you live in a cornfield? Because I'm stalking you.
There is something wrong with my cell phone. It doesn't have your number in it
The new drive-thru restaurant for golfers insisted on putting greens in all their courses.
Failure is not an option, it comes bundled with the software.
What make a forum? -- A two-um plus a two-um
You can come over a work in process but I'll make sure you leave a finished good.
Who needs a pick up line when you've go a pick up truck.
Seeing you is like getting 11 McNuggets in my 10 piece meal.
You're so repulsive, it's a wonder flies don't swarm around you like you're a decomposing corpse.
Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
The only thing straight about me is my teeth.
If I were a cat, I'd spend all 9 lives with you
Are you the black line? Because I'm lost without you.
Don't save me just yet. Let me go down a few times.
Wi-Fi went down during family dinner tonight. One of the kids started talking and I didn't know who he was.
What does a baby computer call it's father? Data.
Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.
You like Star Wars? Let's go back to my place and violate the Jedi Code.
You're so dumb, you think a lawsuit is something you wear to court.
How does a penguin build it's house? Igloos it together.
I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
I hope you're good at catching cause I'm starting to fall for you.
Are you the end of practice? Because you're always on my mind.
ICU in my dreams.
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time.
I can score from multiple positions.
If a star fell for every time I thought of you, the sky would be empty.
You are like my snorkel, because you're wrapped around my mind.
I love a man with a raised bed.
I can't think straight around you.
I bet you drink milk with a fork.
I may not be your cup of tea, but I'm a great shot of tequila.
Babe trust me, the only time I'd play games with you is on the court.
What was the librarians favorite Christmas song? Silent Night
A tractor? That's what I'm trying to do!
Too many people are ready to carry the stool when the piano needs to be moved.
Once you've had Alberta beef, you'll never go back.
What type of potato chip is Santa's favorite? Crisp Pringles
Wanna come over and watch Left Behind?
What was Forrest Gump's email password? -- 1forrest1
You have to be flexible to work here. On many occasions, you'll be asked to bend over and grab your ankles.
My internet is so slow, it's just faster to drive to the Google office and ask them shit in person.
Why do reindeer tell such good stories? Because they all have tails
I've fallen for you so hard, I can't think straight.
I've got quick hands, a fast horse, and strong arms that can hold you tight all night long.
