Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle? --
Shine a light into her ear.
This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
You look fabulous! ... for your age.
I'm an umpire. Now, give me your number so I can make the call.
What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? Laughing stock.
Why is the ocean so salty? The land never waves back.
Hey babe, I got this flaming sword from an angel and now I want to pass it in to you.
I'm like Arsenal: I'll stay on top but I'll finish second.
Are you a gold medal? Because I won't stop until I get to you.
Charzards are red Squitals are blue if u were a Pokemon I would choose you!
I'd drive a million miles for one of your smiles.
You look familiar, didn't we take a class together? I could've sworn we had chemistry.
You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
Soccer players can go for 90 minutes and know 11 different positions. Just letting you know!
Friday is my second favorite F word.
People who do the world's real work don't wear ties.
I was just curious? Are you as good as all the guys say you are?
So you're straight? So are noodles until they get hot.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder
What if there were no hypothetical situations?
Roses are red, your underwear is lace, take them off and sit on my face.
You're making a fool of yourself, and I've never seen better craftmanship.
Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don't turn it on.
Girl you've got mad handles, you've been crossing through my mind all day.
Hey, you should stop eating magnets. You're making me attracted to you
How do males exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
Chica, you're like a Pinata, cause I'd definitely hit that!
I'm not a hoarder but I really want to keep you forever.
What do your boss and a slinky have in common? -- They're both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.
Who took the stars out of the sky and put them in your eyes?
How does a man show that he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Uncle Sam ain't the only one who wants you.
A well-educated friend of mine with three advanced degrees can say "I'm unemployed" in six languages.
Come into the kitchen and I'll show you how I put the counter in counterculture.
I know a great recovery for jet lag.
If you were a basketball, I'd never shoot. Because I would always miss you.
I have tea.
Why did the blonde think it was Sunday? The sun was out.
How would you like to switch the gears on my tractor?
Would you spot me, cause I sure spotted you.
Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead? Because she wanted to make up her mind.
Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.
What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store? -- Guardians of the Galaxy.
I've seen better-looking scarecrows in cornfields than you.
It's better to do business with a drunk professional than a sober idiot.
I'm on a hunt - for your number.
My job is secure. No one else wants it.
I'm no organ donor but I'd be happy to give you my heart.
What happened when the butcher backed into his meat grinder? -- He got a little behind in his work!
I don't have to ask my kids to call me, I just change the Netflix password and then don't respond to their texts.
Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'
There's a band called 1023MB. -- They haven't had any gigs yet
Why do men get married? So they don't have to hold-in their stomachs any more.
Hello, I'm bisexual. I'd like to BUY you a drink...and then get sexual
If I could, I'd get rid of all of the chairs in the world so that you'd have to sit on my face.
Do you like it in the can? And I don't mean PBR.
Of all the beautiful faces I just can't look pastures.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
Do you like basketball? Because when I saw you, my D. Rose.
What time do you have to be back in heaven?
You know the fish isn't the only catch here.
I have a degree in liberal arts. Do you want fries with that?
Granddad, what's the best thing about being 100? -- No peer pressure
Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
Take your foot off his head.
Do you work at Starbucks? Because I like you a latte.
Do you have any sunscreen? 'Cause you are burning me up!
If you and I were the last men on earth, I bet we could do it in public.
Why did the blonde run with the bike? It was going too fast for her to get on.
If I build a sandcastle will you be my queen?
Lets have a tonic and get to your root.
Can you help me with my GPS? I need directions to find my way into your heart.
Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. So now you know why they call this a workstation.
I hope you're a plumber because you got my pipe leaking
What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship? Telling you his real name.
Are you seaworthy? Because I'm going to ride you till dawn.
Play with fire and you end up burnt, play with a firefighter and you end up wet.
Is that a phone in your pocket or is your rooster happy to see me?
Are you Mexican cause you're my Juan and only.
Girl, are you Easter because you got me ready to rise again?
The letter 'X' scares me [Why?] Because I never want to be yours.
If you think your boss is stupid just remember that you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
Are you from Mars? 'cuz I wanna explore you with curiosity.
I won't give you a yellow card if you take off your shirt.
Are you Jose Mourinho? Because you're the special one.
Baby are you the 400IM because you sure take my breathe away.
The UPS office called. They told me I need to check your package.
Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
Hey, look what the cat dragged in
My email password has been hacked. That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
Are you a noose? Cause I'd love to hang out with you some time!
I asked my dad for his best dad joke and he said, 'You.'
Baby you're as irresistible as pulling on the lane line during backstroke.
How'd you like to be in my will?
Why'd they call it PMS? Cos Mad cow disease was already taken!
A committee is a body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
If you worked hard and didn't get anything in return, it means someone else got it.
You should carry a plant wherever you go to replace the oxygen you waste.
