Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
Of course I'll give you a hand, right across the mouth.
I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me.
Is your name Oliver? Cause in a minute you're gonna be Oliver this dick.
Are you a gold medal? Because I won't stop until I get to you.
I'm an umpire. Now, give me your number so I can make the call.
This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
Hey babe, I got this flaming sword from an angel and now I want to pass it in to you.
Why is the ocean so salty? The land never waves back.
You look fabulous! ... for your age.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don't turn it on.
I'd drive a million miles for one of your smiles.
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!
You look familiar, didn't we take a class together? I could've sworn we had chemistry.
Charzards are red Squitals are blue if u were a Pokemon I would choose you!
Soccer players can go for 90 minutes and know 11 different positions. Just letting you know!
You're making a fool of yourself, and I've never seen better craftmanship.
Girl you've got mad handles, you've been crossing through my mind all day.
What if there were no hypothetical situations?
Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead? Because she wanted to make up her mind.
Why did the blonde think it was Sunday? The sun was out.
Friday is my second favorite F word.
I've seen better-looking scarecrows in cornfields than you.
People who do the world's real work don't wear ties.
Roses are red, your underwear is lace, take them off and sit on my face.
So you're straight? So are noodles until they get hot.
I was just curious? Are you as good as all the guys say you are?
This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder
If you were a basketball, I'd never shoot. Because I would always miss you.
How does a man show that he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
What do your boss and a slinky have in common? -- They're both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.
Uncle Sam ain't the only one who wants you.
Come into the kitchen and I'll show you how I put the counter in counterculture.
How do males exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
Chica, you're like a Pinata, cause I'd definitely hit that!
Who took the stars out of the sky and put them in your eyes?
I know a great recovery for jet lag.
A well-educated friend of mine with three advanced degrees can say "I'm unemployed" in six languages.
I'm not a hoarder but I really want to keep you forever.
Hey, you should stop eating magnets. You're making me attracted to you
Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.
Would you spot me, cause I sure spotted you.
How would you like to switch the gears on my tractor?
Why did the blonde run with the bike? It was going too fast for her to get on.
I have tea.
What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store? -- Guardians of the Galaxy.
Do you like basketball? Because when I saw you, my D. Rose.
Of all the beautiful faces I just can't look pastures.
Why do men get married? So they don't have to hold-in their stomachs any more.
Do you like it in the can? And I don't mean PBR.
What happened when the butcher backed into his meat grinder? -- He got a little behind in his work!
I hope you're a plumber because you got my pipe leaking
Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'
My job is secure. No one else wants it.
I'm on a hunt - for your number.
It's better to do business with a drunk professional than a sober idiot.
If I could, I'd get rid of all of the chairs in the world so that you'd have to sit on my face.
Hello, I'm bisexual. I'd like to BUY you a drink...and then get sexual
I'm no organ donor but I'd be happy to give you my heart.
I don't have to ask my kids to call me, I just change the Netflix password and then don't respond to their texts.
There's a band called 1023MB. -- They haven't had any gigs yet
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
Take your foot off his head.
Lets have a tonic and get to your root.
Do you work at Starbucks? Because I like you a latte.
If I build a sandcastle will you be my queen?
Do you have any sunscreen? 'Cause you are burning me up!
Granddad, what's the best thing about being 100? -- No peer pressure
You know the fish isn't the only catch here.
I have a degree in liberal arts. Do you want fries with that?
If you and I were the last men on earth, I bet we could do it in public.
What time do you have to be back in heaven?
I asked my dad for his best dad joke and he said, 'You.'
Is that a phone in your pocket or is your rooster happy to see me?
What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship? Telling you his real name.
Play with fire and you end up burnt, play with a firefighter and you end up wet.
Are you seaworthy? Because I'm going to ride you till dawn.
Can you help me with my GPS? I need directions to find my way into your heart.
Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. So now you know why they call this a workstation.
I won't give you a yellow card if you take off your shirt.
Are you Jose Mourinho? Because you're the special one.
You should carry a plant wherever you go to replace the oxygen you waste.
Are you Mexican cause you're my Juan and only.
Are you from Mars? 'cuz I wanna explore you with curiosity.
You're hotter than the London Underground during rush hour.
Girl, are you Easter because you got me ready to rise again?
You look much more attractive in person than you do through my telescope.
The letter 'X' scares me [Why?] Because I never want to be yours.
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
What do dim lamps and blondes have in common? They both tend to be hot, but not too bright.
If you think your boss is stupid just remember that you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
Hey, look what the cat dragged in
The UPS office called. They told me I need to check your package.
You're such a pathetic excuse for a human being that even bacteria would turn their noses up at the thought of infecting you.
Baby are you the 400IM because you sure take my breathe away.
Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.
How'd you like to be in my will?
If you worked hard and didn't get anything in return, it means someone else got it.
