Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
I'd like to have more self-esteem, but I don't deserve it.
What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? Laughing stock.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
Hey babe, I got this flaming sword from an angel and now I want to pass it in to you.
You look fabulous! ... for your age.
Are you a gold medal? Because I won't stop until I get to you.
I'm an umpire. Now, give me your number so I can make the call.
This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
Why is the ocean so salty? The land never waves back.
You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!
You look familiar, didn't we take a class together? I could've sworn we had chemistry.
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
Charzards are red Squitals are blue if u were a Pokemon I would choose you!
I'd drive a million miles for one of your smiles.
Soccer players can go for 90 minutes and know 11 different positions. Just letting you know!
You're making a fool of yourself, and I've never seen better craftmanship.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don't turn it on.
I was just curious? Are you as good as all the guys say you are?
So you're straight? So are noodles until they get hot.
Roses are red, your underwear is lace, take them off and sit on my face.
Friday is my second favorite F word.
What if there were no hypothetical situations?
People who do the world's real work don't wear ties.
Girl you've got mad handles, you've been crossing through my mind all day.
This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder
What do your boss and a slinky have in common? -- They're both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.
How do males exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How does a man show that he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead? Because she wanted to make up her mind.
I'm not a hoarder but I really want to keep you forever.
Why did the blonde think it was Sunday? The sun was out.
Hey, you should stop eating magnets. You're making me attracted to you
If you were a basketball, I'd never shoot. Because I would always miss you.
Who took the stars out of the sky and put them in your eyes?
Uncle Sam ain't the only one who wants you.
Come into the kitchen and I'll show you how I put the counter in counterculture.
I know a great recovery for jet lag.
Chica, you're like a Pinata, cause I'd definitely hit that!
I've seen better-looking scarecrows in cornfields than you.
A well-educated friend of mine with three advanced degrees can say "I'm unemployed" in six languages.
I have tea.
Would you spot me, cause I sure spotted you.
What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store? -- Guardians of the Galaxy.
How would you like to switch the gears on my tractor?
Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.
I'm on a hunt - for your number.
What happened when the butcher backed into his meat grinder? -- He got a little behind in his work!
I'm no organ donor but I'd be happy to give you my heart.
It's better to do business with a drunk professional than a sober idiot.
Do you like it in the can? And I don't mean PBR.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
There's a band called 1023MB. -- They haven't had any gigs yet
I don't have to ask my kids to call me, I just change the Netflix password and then don't respond to their texts.
Why do men get married? So they don't have to hold-in their stomachs any more.
Of all the beautiful faces I just can't look pastures.
Why did the blonde run with the bike? It was going too fast for her to get on.
Do you like basketball? Because when I saw you, my D. Rose.
If I could, I'd get rid of all of the chairs in the world so that you'd have to sit on my face.
My job is secure. No one else wants it.
Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'
Hello, I'm bisexual. I'd like to BUY you a drink...and then get sexual
If I build a sandcastle will you be my queen?
Lets have a tonic and get to your root.
Granddad, what's the best thing about being 100? -- No peer pressure
I have a degree in liberal arts. Do you want fries with that?
Do you have any sunscreen? 'Cause you are burning me up!
Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
Take your foot off his head.
You know the fish isn't the only catch here.
Do you work at Starbucks? Because I like you a latte.
I hope you're a plumber because you got my pipe leaking
If you and I were the last men on earth, I bet we could do it in public.
What time do you have to be back in heaven?
Play with fire and you end up burnt, play with a firefighter and you end up wet.
Are you seaworthy? Because I'm going to ride you till dawn.
What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship? Telling you his real name.
Can you help me with my GPS? I need directions to find my way into your heart.
Is that a phone in your pocket or is your rooster happy to see me?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. So now you know why they call this a workstation.
Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Are you Jose Mourinho? Because you're the special one.
Girl, are you Easter because you got me ready to rise again?
Are you from Mars? 'cuz I wanna explore you with curiosity.
I asked my dad for his best dad joke and he said, 'You.'
The letter 'X' scares me [Why?] Because I never want to be yours.
If you think your boss is stupid just remember that you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
Are you Mexican cause you're my Juan and only.
I won't give you a yellow card if you take off your shirt.
You should carry a plant wherever you go to replace the oxygen you waste.
The UPS office called. They told me I need to check your package.
Why'd they call it PMS? Cos Mad cow disease was already taken!
You look much more attractive in person than you do through my telescope.
What do dim lamps and blondes have in common? They both tend to be hot, but not too bright.
Hey, look what the cat dragged in
If you were a soccer ball, I'd never shoot. Because I would always miss you.
Baby you're as irresistible as pulling on the lane line during backstroke.
Baby are you the 400IM because you sure take my breathe away.
A committee is a body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
Are you from South England? Cause you Brighton up my day.
If you worked hard and didn't get anything in return, it means someone else got it.
