Short & Funny Jokes

Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.

Top Funny Short Jokes

When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing, either the car is new or the wife is.
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? -- He had no body to go with him!
What do you call a blonde with a brain? A golden retriever.
I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.
What do you do if a idiot throws a grenade at you? -- Pull the pin and throw it back at him!
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? I wonder if it's mine.
What happens when you get scared half to death twice?
Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? -- He's all right now.
You know what’s beautiful? Read the first word.
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? -- His lips are moving.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Three blondes walk into a building. You'd think one of them would've seen it...
Why does the blonde have the biggest boobs in the sixth grade? Because she's 18.
Women are like roads. The more curves they have, the more dangerous they are.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so they can tell when they're really in trouble.
Can fat people go skinny dipping?
How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb? -- Who cares? They never get the house anyway.
What do you call a cow with no legs? -- Ground beef.

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