Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
Country boys don't need pick-up lines, because they've got pick-up trucks.
I saved you a seat...on my face.
Is that a candy cane in your pocket, or are you just struggling to contain your excite-mint?
I lost my number. I'd ask for yours, but I'd probably lose your number too.
You're outstanding in your field, and that's where you should be,
Girl, are you Canadian? because I feel sorry for myself.
Are you a toaster? Cause I'd be down to take a bath with you.
I was reading my Bible the other day, and I was wondering if you know what Paul meant by "greet one another with a holy kiss?"
I can feel something brewing between the two of us.
Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
Yea I'm like pizza. You can have me all at once or save me for several days.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
Do you like Pizza Hut? Because I want to stuff your crust.
Hey babe, can I colonize your land and exploit you for your natural resources.
I'm just like a pizza. I'll fill you up tonight and still be there in the morning when you're ready for more.
Your beauty is as rare as a Venus eclipse.
I would hit that like the side of a tree on Endor.
Are you from heaven? Cause I can send you back.
Your smile glows brighter than a lightsaber.
The force is strong with this one.
Of all the Stars in all the Galaxy, you had to hitch your planet to mine.
I knew my wife was pregnant when she looked at me with fertilize.
If a Greek deity tried on your jacket it would be Titan uncomfortable.
Are you a tractor? Cause you'd make life on the farm easier.
My roses aren't the only things with long stems.
Ever do it on a portoledge?
You must carry the naqsh of Surah Yaseen with you because you're such an honorable man!
Wanna get tied up and high?
I just built a climbing gym in my pants and would like to offer your a chance at a first ascent.
That hijab really compliments your eyes.
Baby are you tired because you've been running through my reticular formation all day.
You remind me of my mother.
Are you Phineas Gage? Because I lost my mind for you.
Hey girl, are you a cow? Cause I wanna worship dat body!
Hold on, I have something in my shoe I'm pretty sure it's a foot
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
Can I put my gun in your holster?
Are you an astronaut? Because I really wanna explore Uranus.
Are you an officer? Coz I just love to be in your company.
Hey girl you lookin' like a tall glass of water and I'm tellin ya I'm thirsty!
If you're my client, I'll get you off. If you aren't, the offer still stands.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.
I love you beyond a reasonable doubt.
There's a place in my heart spiked just for you.
I'll be your xena if you be my Gabrielle...
How're things looking in your books, got any room for some date-a entry?
A man walks into a bar and orders helicopter flavor chips. The barman replies sorry mate we only do plain
Wanna try an Australian kiss? It's like a French kiss, but down under.
Don't feel bad about going 5 under the speed limit, I wouldn't want to damage you going too fast either.
I like breakfast in bed, so why don't you just come sit on my face?
Hey baby, Can you please hold my rod?
If I were a fish, I'd be hooked on you.
Are you depression? Cause I want you to fuck me all day long.
There are five oceans, seven continents, and only one person like you!
The only greater landmass than the continent of Asia is the mass contained in these arms [flex arms, raise one eyebrow].
What's ET short for? Because he's only got little legs.
Are you my anti-depression pills? Because I can't smile without you.
If I said you had a monoclonal antibody, would you hold it against me?
Dad I'm hungry ... Hi hungry I'm dad
Can I take your temperature? You're looking hot today.
I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night. It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.
Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar? He got 12 months.
If you were a script, I'd never go off book.
There's a new type of broom out, it's sweeping the nation.
Where did the one-legged waitress work? IHOP!
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off.
Hey beautiful! Your face is like a moon. Always glowing.
Let me be your nebula so you can be my baby star.
A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
Here's the key to my house, my car... and my heart
Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back
Kobe Bryant is a terrible fisherman because he always gets nothing but net.
If I flip this coin, what are my chances of getting either head or tail?
Mami are ju a man, cause you can be the Juan.
The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.
Are you a pizza box? because I can't wait to get your top off.
Baby are you a personal pizza? Because you were made just for me.
You dropped something! [What?] Your smile.
Are you from Sheffield? Because you're steeling my heart.
You can be the queen of my kingdom.
What do you call a stuffed animal? You after thanksgiving.
Let's face it. I'm hot, you're hot and we both know you got a crush on me.
So what if I don't know what Armageddon means? It's not the end of the world
Are you Suarez? Cause I'll let you bite me all night.
Why didn't the skeleton go to see a scary movie? - He didn't have the guts.
Well hey there darlin, wanna see my lasso?
Do you have an inhaler? 'Cause you took my breath away.
My ears are not the only things that are long!
I don't want to hold you back.
Why don't you take a powder, preferably arsenic.
What do you call a running turkey? Fast food.
You're like a plumbing apprenticeship—worth all the effort.
You're not the person you used to be, and you never were.
What kind of gum do ghosts chew? - Boo Boo Gum.
What can't you give the headless horseman? - A headache.
If there's nothing to say, I'm sure you'll say it.
I'm just like an easter bunny - sweet, but hollow on the inside.
What time does Sean Connery go to Wimbledon? -- Tennish.
Would you and your friend like to get some team roping?
