Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
You're outstanding in your field, and that's where you should be,
Let's not keep score so we can keep it at love.
Is that a candy cane in your pocket, or are you just struggling to contain your excite-mint?
How about I wear these Carhartts and we plant seeds together.
Why did the developer go broke? -- Because he used up all his cache.
Here's the key to my house, my car... and my heart
Don't feel bad about going 5 under the speed limit, I wouldn't want to damage you going too fast either.
Are you a baritone? Because I would love to get to 3rd bass with you.
Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back
Are you Phineas Gage? Because I lost my mind for you.
Mami are ju a man, cause you can be the Juan.
I'm just like an easter bunny - sweet, but hollow on the inside.
Your car's exhaust emits a noxious cloud of pollutants, contributing to the degradation of the environment.
If I flip this coin, what are my chances of getting either head or tail?
Nice shoes, wanna drink blood?
Hey baby, Can you please hold my rod?
If I were a fish, I'd be hooked on you.
I owe, I owe, so it's off to work I go.
Hey girl you lookin' like a tall glass of water and I'm tellin ya I'm thirsty!
My ears are not the only things that are long!
Looking at you is like staring into the abyss of ugliness, a never-ending nightmare.
You remind me of my mother.
There's a place in my heart spiked just for you.
Are you my anti-depression pills? Because I can't smile without you.
There are five oceans, seven continents, and only one person like you!
Baby are you tired because you've been running through my reticular formation all day.
The only greater landmass than the continent of Asia is the mass contained in these arms [flex arms, raise one eyebrow].
Are you depression? Cause I want you to fuck me all day long.
That's a nice black lace Victorian-era corset. But it would look nicer crumpled up in a ball on my bedroom floor!
What do you get when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? -- Data transfer.
Your car's acceleration is slower than the growth of mold on stale bread, a pathetic display of feebleness.
I'm at my best during overtime.
Your car's audio system sounds like a cacophony of tortured souls, assaulting the ears of all who dare to listen.
If I said you had a monoclonal antibody, would you hold it against me?
Did you hear about the winner of the Irish beauty contest? -- Me neither.
Would you like to see my whopper?
Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are held to discuss it.
How're things looking in your books, got any room for some date-a entry?
The brakes on your car are about as effective as using a feather to stop a charging bull.
Can I take your temperature? You're looking hot today.
Hey girl, are you a cow? Cause I wanna worship dat body!
Do you have an inhaler? 'Cause you took my breath away.
If you were a script, I'd never go off book.
You dropped something! [What?] Your smile.
How'd you like to go on a long romantic warm down and split the lane?
Wanna try an Australian kiss? It's like a French kiss, but down under.
Are you a pizza box? because I can't wait to get your top off.
Your car's fuel efficiency is laughable, guzzling gas like a thirsty elephant in a desert.
How can you tell when an engineer is an extrovert. He stares at YOUR shoes while he talks to you.
I love you beyond a reasonable doubt.
The tires on your car are as bald as a newborn baby's head, providing about as much grip as a banana peel.
That hijab really compliments your eyes.
Let's face it. I'm hot, you're hot and we both know you got a crush on me.
What do you call a stuffed animal? You after thanksgiving.
If you're my client, I'll get you off. If you aren't, the offer still stands.
Baby are you a personal pizza? Because you were made just for me.
What do you call an Irish fella trying to break up a fight? -- Liam Malone
What's the difference between Ireland and a tea bag? -- The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
Are you going to ask me out soon, or do I need to call a delay of game penalty?
Consider this your two-minute warning... before I kiss you.
The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.
Hey beautiful! Your face is like a moon. Always glowing.
Let me be your nebula so you can be my baby star.
Can I be the fortune in your cookie?
What's the difference between God and Bono? God doesn't wander around Dublin thinking he's Bono.
I hope you like BBQs because you'll soon be eating my sausage with special sause.
Want to break the wishbone? I'm wishing for a date with you.
Are you an officer? Coz I just love to be in your company.
A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
Bet I can bench press you.
Are you an electrician because I felt a spark through my body when you entered the room.
Your car's paint job is a visual abomination, a slap in the face to anyone with even a shred of taste.
You're endor-able!
So what if I don't know what Armageddon means? It's not the end of the world
Would you and your friend like to get some team roping?
We should get matching tatooines.
I don't want to hold you back.
A multicast packet walks into a bar, and then leaves through all the doors and windows at once.
My roses aren't the only things with long stems.
Do you need prayer? Because I'm certainly willing to lay hands on you.
You must carry the naqsh of Surah Yaseen with you because you're such an honorable man!
I just built a climbing gym in my pants and would like to offer your a chance at a first ascent.
You're like a plumbing apprenticeship—worth all the effort.
Are you a drain strainer? Because you've kept all the bad stuff out of my life.
You're not the person you used to be, and you never were.
To a 4 banger - Sounds like all the masters are running.
I've got a knife and a penis and one of them is going inside you.
If there's anything I know how to do the right way... it's lay pipe. I'm happy to prove it!
Are you Suarez? Cause I'll let you bite me all night.
Wanna get tied up and high?
Why don't you take a powder, preferably arsenic.
Error 404: Your number in my phone not found!
I'll be your xena if you be my Gabrielle...
Kobe Bryant is a terrible fisherman because he always gets nothing but net.
I made a blood painting for you.
I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.
