Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
If you were a youtube video, I would watch you intensely at night without anybody knowing.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
If I was a boulder problem, would you flash me?
If you can dance, you have my hand, but if you can sing, you have my heart.
You have a face that could make a train take a dirt road.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
Your beauty is as rare as a Venus eclipse.
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye
You just know me too well, and that freaks me out.
Are you a toaster? Cause I'd be down to take a bath with you.
Girl, are you Canadian? because I feel sorry for myself.
My name must be John Deere cause I'm totally a Tractored to you.
Are you from heaven? Cause I can send you back.
I lost my number. I'd ask for yours, but I'd probably lose your number too.
Why was the JavaScript developer sad? -- Because he didn't Node how to Express himself.
You're not just somebunny... you're my bunny.
What if the Pilgrims shot a bobcat instead of a turkey? We'd be eating pussy for Thanksgiving!
I saved you a seat...on my face.
Are you Barça or Dortmund? Because even if you lose, you're still a winner in my eyes.
How about I wear these Carhartts and we plant seeds together.
Who needs drugs that will stimulate dopamine transmission when simply being with you does the trick.
Of all the Stars in all the Galaxy, you had to hitch your planet to mine.
I'll tell you how many acres I farm.
I've always wanted to be a farmer's wife.
Looking at you is like staring into the abyss of ugliness, a never-ending nightmare.
I love you beyond a reasonable doubt.
If you're my client, I'll get you off. If you aren't, the offer still stands.
Are you Suarez? Cause I'll let you bite me all night.
My workout sessions are a lot like my relationships. Quick, intense cardio with lots of intervals, followed by pizza.
Bet I can bench press you.
Are you an officer? Coz I just love to be in your company.
How do I tell my dog he was adopted?
How're things looking in your books, got any room for some date-a entry?
Can I put my gun in your holster?
A multicast packet walks into a bar, and then leaves through all the doors and windows at once.
What instrument do skeleton play? - Trom-BONE.
Do you play volleyball? Cuz you're about to receive this serve.
Q: Why do you always find things in the last place you look?
A: Duh!
What kind of gum do ghosts chew? - Boo Boo Gum.
What can't you give the headless horseman? - A headache.
Don't feel bad about going 5 under the speed limit, I wouldn't want to damage you going too fast either.
My New Years resolution is 4k.
Are you an electrician because I felt a spark through my body when you entered the room.
I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it.
Hey baby, Can you please hold my rod?
If I were a fish, I'd be hooked on you.
If there's anything I know how to do the right way... it's lay pipe. I'm happy to prove it!
Why did the developer go broke? -- Because he used up all his cache.
I made a blood painting for you.
Why didn't the skeleton go to see a scary movie? - He didn't have the guts.
There are five oceans, seven continents, and only one person like you!
Why don't ghost have bands? - They get booooed.
The only greater landmass than the continent of Asia is the mass contained in these arms [flex arms, raise one eyebrow].
Baby are you a personal pizza? Because you were made just for me.
I've got a knife and a penis and one of them is going inside you.
Hey girl you lookin' like a tall glass of water and I'm tellin ya I'm thirsty!
Are you a pizza box? because I can't wait to get your top off.
I just built a climbing gym in my pants and would like to offer your a chance at a first ascent.
Wanna get tied up and high?
Error 404: Your number in my phone not found!
If I said you had a monoclonal antibody, would you hold it against me?
What's the difference between God and Bono? God doesn't wander around Dublin thinking he's Bono.
Ever do it on a portoledge?
Would you like to see my whopper?
Can I take your temperature? You're looking hot today.
I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.
Nice shoes, wanna drink blood?
So what if I don't know what Armageddon means? It's not the end of the world
Are you my anti-depression pills? Because I can't smile without you.
That hijab really compliments your eyes.
I don't want to hold you back.
I'm at my best during overtime.
My roses aren't the only things with long stems.
Baby are you tired because you've been running through my reticular formation all day.
Are you a tractor? Cause you'd make life on the farm easier.
Are you a baritone? Because I would love to get to 3rd bass with you.
How'd you like to go on a long romantic warm down and split the lane?
Are you depression? Cause I want you to fuck me all day long.
Hey beautiful! Your face is like a moon. Always glowing.
Let me be your nebula so you can be my baby star.
You can be the queen of my kingdom.
Why don't you take a powder, preferably arsenic.
Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back
You dropped something! [What?] Your smile.
What's ET short for? Because he's only got little legs.
Dad I'm hungry ... Hi hungry I'm dad
I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night. It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.
I'm just like an easter bunny - sweet, but hollow on the inside.
Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar? He got 12 months.
What do you call a stuffed animal? You after thanksgiving.
There's a new type of broom out, it's sweeping the nation.
Driving your car is like riding in a tin can of disappointment and regret.
You're not the person you used to be, and you never were.
Where did the one-legged waitress work? IHOP!
Do you need prayer? Because I'm certainly willing to lay hands on you.
Your car is so old and rusty, it's a living testament to the concept of decay and neglect.
Do you have an inhaler? 'Cause you took my breath away.
Would you and your friend like to get some team roping?
The only thing your car is good for is as a source of laughter for everyone who sees it.
