Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
Hey girl, did you come hungry in order to leave happy?
I'll climb you like Valjean climbed the barricade.
That's quite a tight end you've got there sweetheart.
To be, or not to be in bed with me? That is the question.
At his trial, the author needed a character witness.
You don't need a mind meld to know what I am thinking.
Let me show you a relaxation technique not used for systematic desensitization.
My corn always wear a husk
You must play soccer, because you sure are a keeper!
I'm a gymnast, so if you're down for some mattress yoga, count me in!
Are you a tenor? Cuz you're the only ten I hear.
My neighbor's sprinkler is a constant irrigation to me.
It was so hot the other day that even the mosquitoes were dropping like flies.
I'm really good at hand-jams.
I try wearing tight jeans, but I can never pull it off.
Hey baby, will you let me socially penetrate your triangular theory of love?
Let's go to the top of a mountain where I've set up a lovely dinner. It will be Kilimanjaromantic.
You're like my college audition monologue: memorable, rare, and utterly perfect for me.
Your eyes look Spocktacular!
So you're on drumline, wanna give first bass a try?
Try some of this Merlot (or Chablis, Chardonnay, Muscat Cannelli)
Hey baby, can you get your pants lower than my self-esteem?
Do you lift? Because I was hoping you'd pick me up.
Tire stores are highway rubbery.
The color palate of your face is really great in this lighting.
There may be plenty of gefilte fish in the kitchen, but you're the only one my bubbe approves of.
The mass murderer was always grumpy. He was a surly ol' killer.
Is your medulla inflamed? Because you made my heart skip a beat!
Ill be your Samantha Steele if you'll be my Christian ponder.
Girl, you're thicker than Baffin Island.
We can do coffee or do it twice, either way I'll get you a double double.
Is your name Flecainide? Because I think you just made my heart skip a beat. uvu
The drug dealer added sugar to his marijuana to sweeten the pot.
Is that a cell phone in yo pocket? Cuz dat ass is callin' me!
Claribell was so allergic to natural fibres that he had to make his clown suit entirely out of polyjester.
Wanna breach my wrap core?
Wanna be my receiver tonight?
You not only have a pretty face, I bet you're beautiful on the inside too!
I'd compare you to my mother, but I don't want to go down that Freudian slippery slope.
Who needs resolutions when I've already resolved to make you smile tonight?
Cool necklace. is that locally handcrafted?
You remind me of the Ka'aba - I could walk around you all day long.
Excuse me, there's something wrong with the number on this check. It isn't yours.
Someone must have shot you with a phaser set on stunning.
Hey babe can I become your mehram for the hajj?
I once got into so much debt that I couldn't even afford my electricity bills, they were the darkest times of my life.
A crow is a four-letter bird.
Why don't you act like a human being or don't you do impersonations?
I wanna live in your socks so I can be with you every step of the way.
I ordered a beer so you would card me and see I'm an organ donor. Here take my heart and my number.
You're just what the doctor ordered, shock treatment.
A camel can work 10 days without drinking, I can drink 10 days without working.
I bet you're even prettier in temple white.
Wanna come back to my place and see what the inside of my trunk looks like?
No hunny, looking at you is dessert enough for me.
I can't help it — my eyes are trapped in the gravitational field of your breasts!
Hello, eh. Girl your soft brown eyes remind me of the amazing beaver, eh.
I like my women like I like my dreidels... bottom heavy.
Forget warp speed, let's just go on impulse..
I'm something of a garagistaI've been working on this Syrah, come barrel taste it and tell me what you think?
Beam me up, hottie!
Girl I'll beat you 6-0 every time, 'cause I'll never stop loving you.
Yo name must be Maxwell House cause baby yo ass is good til the last drop.
An SQL statement walks into a bar, approaches two tables, and asks 'may I join you?'
If it weren't for C, we'd all be programming in BASI and OBOL.
I'd love to go to Uranus! Because it has a toxic atmosphere and would instantly kill me.
Do you believe in premarital sax?
8 bytes walk into a bar, the bartenders asks 'What will it be?' One of them says, 'Make us a double.'
Wow, are you a cougar? 'Cause I have a feeling you hunted guys my age before it was cool.
I didn't trip over my robe, I fell for you.
You think Zdeno Chara has a long stick, wait until you see mine.
If you were a basketball, I'd never pass because I want to keep you all to myself.
Want to hold my shaft?
Hey babe, How 'bout we snort some Maalox together?
We're gonna go beat up Scott Hamilton. Wanna come?
I'd like to clean your plasma conduits.
If I were Peter Pan, dancing with you would be my happy thought.
And you think my ears are big....
Churchill isn't the only place where you can pet a polar bear.
Is there a wormhole that will always take me directly to where you are?
Want to see my Class 3 probe? Earth woman, prepare to be probed!
I bet I can score on your 5-hole
Hello, I am a thief and I am here to steal this dance.
Your dojo or mine?
Can I have ur number so I can wake you up for fajr?
I'll show you some takedown my number techniques.
Can I swipe right on a photograph of your reliquary?
Are you troubleshooting? Because you've fixed all my problems.
We are the Borg. Lower your shields and surrender your heart.
Wanna listen to me drone on about art, bicycles, and sustainable-source fair-trade coffee?
I don't mind kids playing hopscotch in most places, but my driveway is where I draw the line.
You're so cute, I need an EpiPen to stop my heart from racing... and also to make sure it stays that way.
My hands are frozen. Can I put them in your pants?
You must be an EMT, because you're always saving lives... including mine from boredom.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
Are you a doctor of love? Because you're always giving me a check-up... and finding something new to love every time.
Hey Baby, my curiosity makes me want to rover all over your body.
The map to my heart is located on the veins of my left arm.
You must be a cast, because you've set my broken heart.
How about I slip into something more comfortable.. like these star trek voyager pajamas baby!
