Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
When does a ghost have breakfast? - In the moaning.
What type of dog does every vampire have? - Bloodhound!
What is a ghosts favorite sale? - A white sale.
Why did the headless horseman go into business? - He wanted to get ahead in life.
How do you keep a monster from biting his nails? - Give him screws.
I am having trouble getting my photon torpedo out of it's breech, can you assist?
When asked what it takes to be a great cook the chef said that it boils down to beating the other chefs to the cutting edge recipes.
Rabbits like their beer brewed with a lot of hops.
Are you a fishing net? Because I'm tangled up in your love.
I could get you undressed in less than 12 parsecs.
I hope you're into cyborg-human relations, because I'm feeling like a machine right now.
Baby you make my telescope expand.
Are you a secret menu item? Because I'd order you every time.
I know you've heard about my bad motivator but I give a mean back rub!
George washington said "We would have a black president when pigs fly!" Swine flu?
If you think Chewbacca is hairy, wait until you see my wookie!
You must be a cast, because you've set my broken heart.
Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Leia's buns ain't got nothing on yours baby.
I'm looking for a place to land my stealth bomber.
Wanna see my lightsaber?
You're the droid I've been looking for.
You're just what the doctor ordered, shock treatment.
A tidy desk is the sign of a sick mind.
Hey, beautiful! May I drop my anchor into your island?
How about I slip into something more comfortable.. like these star trek voyager pajamas baby!
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says -- ' think we got this joke wrong'
Are you a scrub cap? Because you're on my mind all the time.
I went bobsleighing the other day, killed 250 bobs
We are the Borg. Lower your shields and surrender your heart.
Why don't you come back to my place, and we can do some world-shaking of our own.
When you walk into the room, I know the cavalry has come.
Hi. I'm doing my prayer list. Please put your name and number down
I'm worried about you getting a sunburn. How about I cover you with my body?
Want to see my Class 3 probe? Earth woman, prepare to be probed!
You make my heart melt like ice on a beach.
And you think my ears are big....
Abstinence leaves a lot to be desired.
I'd like to clean your plasma conduits.
You must be my capital gain, because meeting you has been a major profit.
Baby you must be a black hole, your gravity is irresistible.
Your name must be Grace because you are amazing
Are you a black hole? Because you keep pulling me in.
Oncology is the study of car horns.
My multi-phasic trans-dimensional inducer method is guaranteed to complete your cycle of operations.
Hey baby, wanna see my bat'leth?
I've got something big in my torpedo tube.
The ghost never took sides during arguments. He was super neutral.
Beam me up, hottie!
Forget warp speed, let's just go on impulse..
I hear you're of good fame and character. Just disclothes, and I'll admit you.
In order to understand recursion you must first understand recursion.
Can I be your midnight kiss? Because I don't want to start the year without you.
Why do they call it hyper text? -- Too much JAVA.
Can I swim in your beautiful blue eyes?
Wanna breach my wrap core?
You've unjustly enriched me, let me give you some restitution.
Why don't you act like a human being or don't you do impersonations?
8 bytes walk into a bar, the bartenders asks 'What will it be?' One of them says, 'Make us a double.'
A butter is an angry goat.
Attire goes on a wheel.
If it weren't for C, we'd all be programming in BASI and OBOL.
An SQL statement walks into a bar, approaches two tables, and asks 'may I join you?'
Nice asteroids.
As long as the imperial system is in place a ruler will be afoot.
A camel can work 10 days without drinking, I can drink 10 days without working.
I wanna live in your socks so I can be with you every step of the way.
Your eyes look Spocktacular!
Of all the planets in all the solar systems in all the galaxies, you had to walk into mine...
Hey Baby, my curiosity makes me want to rover all over your body.
Molecules boiling points vary to some degree.
I believe that it's in our best interest to comply with section 69 of the act.
You don't need a mind meld to know what I am thinking.
Baby I'm gonna proximately cause you to cum tonight.
The retired track official has started forgetting things. He has old timer's disease.
Thank God I'm not a red shirt, because you're drop dead gorgeous!
You're like the perfect drink—strong, balanced, and impossible to resist.
Klingon: pu'jIn vIpoQ. mInDu'lIj vIbejtaHvIS DaqwIj vIlIj! (I need a map. I got lost while I was watching your eyes!)
I can't swim! Can I hold on to your floaties?
You must be in trauma care, because I'm falling hard for you.
Are you on call? Because you've been on my mind all day.
What do you call a little monsters parents - mummy and deady
Where did the goblin throw the football? - Over the ghoul line.
Why doesn't Dracula mind the doctor looking at his throat. - Because of the coffin.
Why is a ghost such a messy eater? - Because he is always a goblin.
Someone must have shot you with a phaser set on stunning.
Why did the Vampire read the Wall Street Journal? He heard it had great circulation.
What tops off a ghost's ice cream sundae? - Whipped scream.
What are ghosts' favorite kind of streets? - Dead ends
What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? - Mas-scare-a.
What happens when two vampires meet? - It was love at first bite!
Who was the most famous ghost detective? - Sherlock Moans.
Did you hear about the herb who was an all round great guy, did loads of charity work and was always there to help? He was a Tarragon Of Virtue.
A lawyer who likes to go fishing is an attorney-at-lure.
The tarantula found his partner online. He spider on the web.
Where do most werewolves live? - In howllywood, California
Where do most goblins live? - in North and South Scarolina.
Why did the skeleton go disco dancing? - to see the boogy man.
You make my pants go to Red Alert.
What songs does Dracula hate? - "You Are My Sunshine" and "Sunshine on my Shoulders.
