Pick-Up Lines

           
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Funny Pick Up Lines

Pickup lines that make people laugh, some sparing no expense. Some lines will make them walk away; some may stick around for more of your funny self. There's no denying that there is power in a funny line and that it takes great skill to successfully use it to pick up. Just keep in mind that everyone always has room for a good laugh. If they don't, they're not looking to go home with anyone and you probably won't be interested in them anyway.


Pickup LineRatingVotes
The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word. 339
A cat falls into the water & the rooster laughs. What's the moral of the story??? A wet pu**y alway's makes a happy c*ck. 254
I don't know much about pies but DAMN you make my banana cream. 125
My magic watch says that you don't have on any underwear. (She says yes I do) Damn! it must be 15 minutes fast 560
Crap. Something is wrong with my cell phone. {Oh Really. What is that?} Its just that...your numbers not in it. 171
I'm not Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bedrock! 188
You may fall from the sky, you may fall from a tree, but the best way to fall... is in love with me. 194
What has 148 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My Zipper! 325
If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents. 179
My socks are having a party, do your pants want to come down? 26
I lost my teddy bear, will you sleep with me? 278
There are 206 bones in the human body... do you want another one? 226
Do you want to do math? Let's add a bed, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and multiply! 107
If a fat man puts you in a bag at night, don't worry I told Santa I wanted you for Christmas. 52
Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package. 51
You're like a prize winning fish. I dont know whether to eat you or mount you. 73
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? 78
Do you work at subway? Because you just gave me a footlong! 141
If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? 24
A boy gives a girl 12 roses. 11 fake, 1 real and he says to her " I will stop loving you when all the roses die" 215
See my friend over there? He wants to know if you think I'm cute. 83
Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before? 62
Do you have a keg in your pants? (No! Why?) Cause I'd like to tap that! 54
If your left leg is Thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays? 69
That shirt is very becoming on you, but if I was on you I'd be coming too! 54
I own a rocket. First stop your moons, then Uranus! 20
Say "I bet I can kiss you on the lips without touching you." and kiss her, then tell her you lost the bet. 76
It's a good thing that I have my library card. Why? Because I am totally checking you out!! 29
Lets play carpenter. First we get hammered, then I'll nail you! 22
You know what would look good on you? Me! 20
Do u sleep on your belly at night? If no, can I? 21
If I followed you home, would you keep me? 28
Do you have a mirror in your pocket? 'Cause I could see myself in your pants. 28
I want to tell you your fortune. [Take her hand and write your phone number on it.] Your future is clear. 40
Are you a parking ticket? Because you've got FINE written all over you. 38
Are those space pants? Because your ass is out of this world! 41
Hey Girl let's play lion tamer...you get down on all fours and I'll stick my head in your mouth! 59
Was your Dad a baker? Because you've got a nice set of buns. 27
You turn my software into hardware! 47
Are you a pirate? Cause I want cho booty. 28
Do you work for Cingular, Cause you're raisen my bar! 30
Do I know you? Cause you look a lot like my next girlfriend. 25
People call me John, but you can call me Tonight! 25
My love for you is like diarrhea, I just cant hold it in! 36
I've noticed you noticing me and I'm just giving you notice that I've noticed you! 38
Is that a ladder in your pants... or the stairway to heaven? 23
Did you have lucky charms for breakfast? Because you look magically delicious! 28
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. 30
I may not be the best-looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you. 25
Let's have breakfast together tomorrow; shall I call you or nudge you? 23
Do you know karate? Cause your body's kickin! 18
Would you sleep with a stranger? [No] Then Hi, my name is... 19
Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap motel room across the street. 28
Excuse me, if I go straight this way, will I be able to reach your heart? 19
You might as well sleep with me because I'm going to tell everybody we did it anyway. 41
Can you take me to the bakery? Because, I want a Cutiepie like you! 25
Your eyes are bluer than the Atlantic ocean, and baby I'm lost at sea! 17
Did the sun come up or did you just smile at me? 33
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money? 48
Roses Are Red, Candle Light Flickers, After The Meal, Its off With The Knickers. 25
I have a snake and he wants to enter your garden. 26
If you were a burger at McDonald's you'd be the McGorgeous. 57
If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be a McGorgeous. 46
[man] Excuse me, would you like to dance? [women] NO! [man] Maybe u didn't hear me.... I said u look really fat in those pants! 52
If I had a garden I'd put your two lips and my two lips together. 34
Can you kiss me on the cheek so I can at least say a cute girl kissed me tonight? 61
Love is four letters so is what me and you should do (other person: whats that?) F*CK 20
There are 20 angels in the world 11 are playing, 8 are sleeping and 1 of them is standing in front of me. 25
Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams all night? 16
If you were a booger I would pick you first. 41
I must be in heaven because I'm looking at an angel! 15
Polar Bear (HUh) I just wanted to break the ice. 15
Violets are blue, roses are red, what is it going to take to get you into bed? 32
Here's $10. Drink until I am really good looking, then come and talk to me. 21
I must be a snowflake, because I've fallen for you. 14
You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy. 42
Hi, my name's Fred, would you like to test my bed? 12
Can I fish in your pond since all the others seem to be dry or closed? 15
Are you form Tennessee? Cause you're the only ten I see!!! 32
What do you and the weather have in common? You're both Hot! 16
My name's [your name]. That's so you know what to scream in bed. 22
If you were a car, I'd wax and ride you all over town. 22
Is your shirt felt? (No?) Do you want it to be? 23
You're ugly, but you intrigue me... 27
I'm gay, think you can convert me? 32
I would die a million deaths if it meant I could be with you! 16
Could you please step away from the bar? You're melting all the ice! 20
Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date? 31
Somebody call the cops, because it's got to be illegal to look that good! 26
Damn boy there's only 2 things I like riding up my ass, my G-String and you! 30
Lets play house, you be the screandoor and iIll bang you all night long. 36
I'm the 6, do you want to be the 9? 43
You don't sweat much for a fat chick. 42
Bond....James Bond 70
Can you lick your nipples?
[No] Can I?
[Yes] Can you show me?
46
Did it hurt when you fell? [Girl: Huh?] When you fell from heaven? 20
I'm going outside to make out... care to join me? 31
If you were a laser you would be set on stunning. 15
Go up to a girl, ask her: "Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?" [No] Then wink. 22
(steps on some ice) Now that the ice is broken, what's your name? 19
Are you a hooker? Cause I'm hooked on you. 24
Are you a clock? Cause you're ticking me off. 14
Girl you're like a car accident, cause I just can't look away. 19
Are you a gardener? I have a bush that needs a trim. 25
Damn girl, you make me feel like a loaf of bread...I wanna rise up in your oven! 20
Hi, I’m Mr. Right--I heard you were looking for me. 30
(To someone working somewhere where a counter seperates you) You're like a drug to me. Good thing you're over the counter. 32
Are you a Hurricane [name]? Cause you're blowing me away. 16
We're like Little Ceasar's, we're Hot and Ready. 35
Girl you so fine I wish I could plant you and grow a whole feild of y'all! 27
I'm going to need a tall glass of cold water, cuz baby your making me HOT! 15
(She asks you the time) Its two flirty and the date's with you and me. 21
Excuse me, did you just fart? 58
A tall man to a short woman: "You're perfect height for what you want." 29
Is your name mickey? because your so FINE! 63


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