Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.
I hope you're a plumber because you got my pipe leaking
Driving your car is like subjecting yourself to a torture chamber on wheels, where discomfort and disappointment are your constant companions.
Your car's exterior is so hideous, it could make a blind person weep tears of agony.
Looking at your car is like witnessing a tragic accident, a horrifying reminder of the consequences of poor automotive judgment.
Your car is a complete and utter piece of shit, a rolling testament to your poor life choices and lack of taste.
The seats in your car are as uncomfortable as sitting on a bed of nails, inflicting torture on your passengers.
I'm not saying you're fat, but I heard the cookie jar is considering a restraining order against you.
The last time I saw something like you, I flushed it.
Your car's reliability is a cruel joke, a constant source of breakdowns and expensive repairs.
You're the reason they invented double doors!
If brain cells had value, you'd be broke.
You're making a fool of yourself, and I've never seen better craftmanship.
Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?
Yo're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.
You make me want to spend the rest of my meaningless life silently despairing over the thought that you'll find a better man than I and take the kids when you leave.
So what's your moisture level?
I smelled you down the street, and my nose brought me right to you.
I may not be Elisha but will you open the door anyway.
Your car's exhaust emits a noxious cloud of pollutants, contributing to the degradation of the environment.
The brakes on your car are about as effective as using a feather to stop a charging bull.
Your car's fuel efficiency is laughable, guzzling gas like a thirsty elephant in a desert.
The suspension of your car is as stiff as a board, providing a bone-jarring experience with every bump.
I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.
Where have you been all my lives?
I heard you like bad boys? Well I'm bad, at everything.
I love a man with a raised bed.
I've got quick hands, a fast horse, and strong arms that can hold you tight all night long.
If I had a nickel for every day I've been wanting to be with a girl like you, I still wouldn't be able to pay off my father's crippling gambling debts that tore apart my family.
The rotation of earth really makes my day.
Pee here often?
I've seen better-looking scarecrows in cornfields than you.
You can pee on my fire hydrant all night long.
Let me see your shirt tag, that's right, made in Eden.
Sorry, baby. I thought it was hump day...
What type of potato chip is Santa's favorite? Crisp Pringles
Your face is so ugly, it could make a blind man gag on his own vomit.
You look much more attractive in person than you do through my telescope.
Are you a noose? Cause I'd love to hang out with you some time!
You're such a pathetic excuse for a human being that even bacteria would turn their noses up at the thought of infecting you.
Are you from South England? Cause you Brighton up my day.
5/4 of people admit that they're bad with fractions.
You're a fine piece of acreage.
Jamaican me think about things I have never thought about and having you on my bed is one.
Do you believe in love at first sip or should I take another?
What do you give a train conductor for Christmas? Platform shoes
I really like your carboys.
I know you pregnant but when you drop that one off, I'd love to put another one in u.
This food's going to taste great! Don't worry, you will too.
You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are KFC.
Are you a gold medal? Because I won't stop until I get to you.
Are you a drill sergeant? Because you have my privates standing at attention.
You are the greatest sparkling wine in this world that I want to taste for the rest of my life.
You're like a cut on my wrist... people like you hurt me, but I keep getting more.
You're just my cup of tea!
Hey baby, let's lay and learn what each other's bodies are for.
Of all the beautiful faces I just can't look pastures.
If you are going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty.
Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the 3rd ones for you.
What's the difference between you and eggs? Eggs get laid and you don't.
You bring everyone a lot of joy, when you leave the room.
You're so fat, when you wear a yellow rain coat people scream ''taxi''.
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you never use it.
On scale of one to 10, you're a poutine.
You have a face that could make a train take a dirt road.
I've crossed all the dog parks in the world to find you.
You're like an N95 mask—irreplaceable and essential.
Hey baby, wanna boldly go where no man has been before?
You're the girl of my nightmares.
What if the Pilgrims shot a bobcat instead of a turkey? We'd be eating pussy for Thanksgiving!
Call the cops... See who comes first.
Hey baby, Is your name clinical depression? Because you make me want to stay in bed all day trapped beneath your weight.
Whats a ghost's favorate type of car? - A boo-ick
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
You're so hot, you put the desi in desirable.
I'll let you sniff mine if i can sniff yours.
Where does a ghost refuel his porche? - At a ghastly station.
Your doghouse or mine?
Baby you light up my diwali like nobody else.
Are you feline the connection between us?
If you need to practice that stage kiss, im always here for you.
I don't normally pick up at the park. I let my owner do it.
Would you be so kind as to lend me your heart, or shall I cut it out myself?
Hey baby, meeting you has given me a new leash on life.
You make me want to be a more obedient dog.
Would you like to be the Radha to my Krishna?
Who needs drugs that will stimulate dopamine transmission when simply being with you does the trick.
Are you a sugar maple? Because I'd totally tap you.
I can't believe they don't serve Everclear in this place!
I wouldn't mind if your beaver built a dam in my river.
Is that your dog's tail wagging or are you just happy to see me?
How many times do I have to walk around you to make you fall for me?
Unlike Hamlet's entire family, my love for you will never die.
Doggy style?
ee, your ass smells terrific!
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
Hey, you have somthing on your chin... no, the 3rd one down
At least when I do a handstand my stomach doesn't hit me in the face.
You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.
