Short & Funny Quotes

You know those quotes that make you smile, the funny ones that no one seems to remember, yeah them. We have those funny quotes and many more so come and explore those moments and many more.

The Best Funny Quotes

Why do people say 'no offense' right before they're about to offend you?
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back
It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid.
Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
I've never wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular in Africa.
They misunderestimated me

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