Intelligence insults to bring them back down to earth.
Insulting ones intelligence may be funny but it's serious business. You must think you're the smartest person around huh? If you want to call people stupid, go right ahead, but get ready to get your butt whooped!
The Best Intelligence Roasts
If brain cells had value, you'd be broke.
You're making a fool of yourself, and I've never seen better craftmanship.
Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you never use it.
If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit out a smarter statement than that.
Your IQ is roughly around room temperature.
I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.
If you're gonna be a smartass, first you have to be smart. Otherwise you're just an ass.
I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.
You have two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
You should carry a plant wherever you go to replace the oxygen you waste.
You're as bright as a black hole, and twice as dense.
You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
Well I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable -- like a coma.
I may love to shop but I'm not buying your bullshit.
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts, I'd get change.
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
If you spoke your mind, you'd be speechless.
You have Diarrhea of the mouth and constipation of the ideas.
They're so intellectually challenged, they make a box of frozen waffles look like a think tank.
You're a person of rare intelligence. It's rare when you show any.
If your brain was made of chocolate, it wouldn't fill an M&M.
So you've changed your mind, does this one work any better?
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; you only gargled.
Of course I'll give you a hand, right across the mouth.
You are proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
It's kinda sad watching you attempt to fit your entire vocabulary into a sentence.
Shock me, say something intelligent.
You do realize makeup isn't going to fix your stupidity?
You're outstanding in your field, and that's where you should be,
You're so stupid you tried to wake a sleeping bag.
You stare at frozen juice cans because they say, "concentrate".
I thought you were attractive, but then you opened your mouth.
When I want your remarks, I'll rattle your cage.
I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
You've got photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
Aww, it's so cute when you try to talk about things you don't understand.
Would you mind reaching into your heart and getting me a piece of ice?
It's better to keep your mouth shut and give the 'impression' that you're stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.
You're so dumb, your dog teaches you tricks.
You fear success, but really have nothing to worry about.
So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!
If brains were dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.
Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
We all sprang from apes, but you didn't spring far enough.
You're so dumb, you think a lawsuit is something you wear to court.
I've been called worse things by better people
You must have a very low opinion of people if you think they are your equals.
You are so stupid, you'd trip over a cordless phone.
Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.
I bet you drink milk with a fork.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth.
Are you always an idiot, or just when I'm around?
If what you don't know can't hurt you, you're invulnerable.
Brains aren't everything. In your case they're nothing.
Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?
I heard you took an IQ test and they said you're results were negative.
Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid!
You couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.
You're not pretty enough to be this stupid.
Why don't you take a powder, preferably arsenic.
Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
You're so stupid, it takes you an hour to cook minute rice.
If your brain exploded, it wouldn't even mess up your hair.
You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.
You should spend less time at the gym and more time working on your personality.
I can't imagine what qualities you may have that would compensate for your behavior in public.
If there's nothing to say, I'm sure you'll say it.
There's nothing I won't do for you, and I'm going to keep on doing it.
I've heard alot about you, now let's hear your side of the story.
Your mouth is a garbage truck with the back door stuck open, and all the trash is coming out.
If you were any dumber I would have to water you twice a week.
You're a prime candidate for natural de-selection.
I'm blonde, what's your excuse?
If you had another brain, it would be lonely.
You must have a Teflon brain, because nothing sticks.
If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
Don't get insulted, but is your life devoted to spreading ignorance?
You do realize that people just tolerate you?
A sharp tongue is no indication of a keen mind.
You conserve toilet paper by using both sides.
You occasionally stumble over the truth, but you quickly pick yourself up and carry on as if nothing happened.
I look into your eyes and get the feeling someone else is driving.
You're not the person you used to be, and you never were.
It's not that they're stupid, it's just that their IQ is allergic to intelligence, and their brain is currently having a severe reaction.
You should be wearing a big red nose and clown shoes.
Why don't you act like a human being or don't you do impersonations?
You're just what the doctor ordered, shock treatment.
It's hard to get the big picture when you have such a small screen.
If I had a dollar for every brain you didn't have, I'd have one dollar.
Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
Your ambition outweighs your relevant skills.
I'm forming an attachment for you, it fits right over your mouth.
You look like the type of person that would help a car cross the street.
Careful now, don't let your brains go to your head!
