Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
When I say 'bitch', I mean it as a compliment!
Show me some catnip.
I've seen roadkill that's more appealing than your sorry excuse for a face, you monstrosity.
Are you a quarterback sneak? Because you've caught me off guard.
Hey chef, can I be your taste tester for the night?
Your cooking skills are impressive, but what really sets you apart is your ability to make my heart skip a beat.
Can I make your first memory of the new year a great one? How about you let me be your midnight kiss?
You're like a perfectly sealed joint—everything just fits.
You're like my favorite fitting—impossible to live without.
You must be an accountant because I've put you on my payroll.
Dude, I'm an American Express lover... you shouldn't go home without me.
Roses are red and violets are blue. You are a sexy nurse and i'm Doctor Who!! See Doctor Who pick up lines
Do you want to get some tuna fish and field mouse pudding?
You can be my chocolate bunny. I'll start by nibbling on your ears and save the rest for last.
I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness.
You're the protien to my shake.
You are the sun the never sets on the British empire.
My love for you resemble a hairball. I can't hold it in.
Hey girl, do you know why they call me Gross Profit? Well actually, no one does...they just call me gross.
Yes, that is a candy cane in my pocket, and I am glad to see you.
I feel like God's telling me that you should go on a date with me.
You... complete me. That is, after Jesus completes me. You're like the gluten in my communion bread.
God told me I can break my fast for you.
Do you want to be accountability partners?
You are so unblemished that I would sacrifice you.
I like my men/woman like I like my bible… full of Jesus
If I was a planet and you my moon, I'd stop spinning just by looking at you.
Those clothes look nice on you. They'd look even nicer flat-packed in a Dragon and being delivered to you on the ISS.
Can I put my dipstick in your oil hole?
Tonight, your dick better perform a perfect arabesque, if you know what I mean!
Um...if i told you that u had a hot body, would u take your pants off and dance around for me.
My parents don't live on the same acreage.
Why don't you come to my farm and check out my high tunnel?
I stole someone else's idea for a stage drama. Am I a playgiarist?
You can call me the A's because I'm destroying that Kitty right now
What's long and hard and intimidates everyone? My BAT. Isn't it adorable?
Shhhh. No need for words. You had me at Muay Thai Plum.
Are you pizza because I want a piece of you.
A 9 hour time difference wouldn't keep me from you.
They told me that I'd feel the spirit at church, not that I'd see an angel!
I just got off my mission and I'm looking for my next companion.
You look familiar; didn't I see you writhing around on the filthy floor of a dive bar on Last Night?
Let's make music on my sheets.
Are you a football huddle? Because I want to be in the middle of you.
Do you play defense? Because whenever I'm around you, I can't seem to score.
Are you a seashell? Because I can't help but pick you up and keep you close.
Are you a level? Because everything feels perfectly balanced when you're around.
You're stupid because you're blonde.
My love for you is like a fruitcake, nutty, spicy and unavoidable.
Girl you're so beautiful you made me double fault.
I have a precedent that is long and deep.
You want to clone yourself? Now wouldn't that be just like you!
There is a good reason why there are so many rabbits, baby!
Can I buy you a Easter Egg or do you just want the money?
Is that your boyfriend? Because that'd throw a real wrench in my plans
They call me Derek Jeter because I got loose hips and I'm good at stroking balls away
Is your name Luis? Because I am hot as Figo without the ego.
So I heard you from across the gym. Do you make that noise for everything?
Saw you working out hard so I bought you a water.
I want to go up and down all your scales.
Can you teach me to fish? Because I want to spend all my time with you.
Hey girl, you're giving me a pop-up store in my pants.
I'd swim up to 800 meters for your love.
I'm not trying to impress you or anything, but... I'm The Easter Bunny!
Excuse me, you look familiar. Are you a famous basketball player?
If all the world's a stage, then will yo be my lead?
If you can't make good morning coffee, its ok cause I got you as my morning coffee.
Hi, I'm the new Milkman. Do you want it in the front or the back?
Baby, you look like the boyfriend I never want to have...
Go out with me and you won't be sari.
I'd like to finger your fret board.
Got any sweater vests that need mending?
You can blow my org any day
Are you chlorine? Because I wanna smell like you.
I like my women like I like my glasses, thick and black.
