Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
Your so hot, a firefighter couldn't put you out.
I am on fire, you wanna stop drop and roll with me?
Bet we could fit two in those bunkers.
They don't call me a hard man for nothing...
Sure you can figure 8, but can you follow through?
You have really nice forearms.
Nothing turns me on more than a long hard rock and some tuber.
I see two nice lookin' rocks I'd like to grab, do you mind?
Hey girl, I'll let you top rope off of my lead.
If I scrub that crack, will you wash my rope?
If I was a wall would you climb me all night?
My portaledge sleeps two, you know.
Want to restuff my chalk balls while I recalibrate your GPS?
Hey, how about give me some beta on how I could onsight your rack.
You have a beautiful rack, mind if I poke around?
My farmers tan is all over my body.
I'm on a seafood diet... I see food and I eat it.
The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.
Where's the bin? Dad: I haven't been anywhere!
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It's a little fishy.
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so good at it.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
Some jokes get dated, other jokes get married.
The overweight painter could not lose weight despite years of exposure to thinners.
The former Dallas running back told me the most amazing story. It was Emmit's myth.
A locksmith is a key employee.
The river crested when a factory spilled toothpaste into it.
I was going to have my hernia operation last June, but the surgeon was on summer hiatus.
When the orchard owner went to trial he was judged by a jury of his pears.
Would a Mormon working for the Postal Service be a Letter Day Saint?
The comedian stopped at the fabric store on his way to a comedy gig. He was looking for new material.
He's got a phonographic memory. He repeats the exact same old lines like a scratched record.
The Junior NCO had sore wrists. The doctor said it was corporal tunnel syndrome.
Why was Farmer Brown angry? Someone got his goat.
Short-order cooks in busy restaurants call themselves 'pressure cookers'.
What do you call a bald monster? A lock-less monster.
When Jesus entered Jerusalem, people waved palm branches because they were being frondly.
Superfluous refers to a bad case of the flu.
Some people marry for love, others for wealth. That's why it is called match or money.
Deep cuts were made in the guillotine industry and heads rolled.
My pet bird can predict the future. He is an omen pigeon.
I got kicked out of cartoon art school. I guess you could say I was in suspended animation.
A mosquito is the oldest known skin-diver.
The Hobbits were put in charge of collecting highway revenue because they're just so Tolkien.
Instead of engaging in my own hobbies, my wife has me constantly helping her in her garden. I guess you could say I am pistil whipped.
The Crimean cannibal loved Tatar tots.
Everyone in the family knew that they had to join the spy agency. It was a clan destine operation.
Just in time for Thanksgiving a blockbuster movie about sweet potatoes, 'The Silence of the Yams'.
I told the psychiatrist that I was afraid of strangers talking about the founder of stoicism. He said I had zenophobia.
That podiatrist is very sneaky. Give him an arch, he will take a foot.
He could play baseball, football, basketball, soccer and tennis. He was a jock of all trades.
A synthesis is an essay about transgressions.
Contemplating my imminent root canal procedure was deeply unnerving.
Seamstress is caused by wearing tight clothing.
Proper punctuation can make the difference between a sentence that's well-written and a sentence that's, well, written.
A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy.
John Deere had a lot of detractors when he announced his invention.
I got a nasty electric shock the other day, but I wasn't phased.
The rotting food in the garbage can behind the restaurant was covered with flies. To the vectors go the spoils.
Mail order cows were first shipped by raft down the Mississippi River. They traveled on cattle logs.
I could not pull out of my parking space, so I used my back up plan.
During the rainy season I spread out large books for my guests to wipe their feet on. These are the tomes that dry men's soles.
When the Aztec warrior was about to be punished severely, he was so sad he was disheartened.
When our fraternity voted whether or not to permit alcohol, there was not a dry aye in the house.
Hey Girl! Let's mate like rabbits.
Come over to my place and I'll show you me Lucky Charms.
I have one Irish friend. Other than that... kiss me.
Can I do your systems analysis?
You must be differentiable, because all I see are smooth curves.
I miss you so hard, titanium would break like glass.
My love for you could power the world's electrical needs for our our time.
You and I must have same natural frequency cause we resonate together!
You must be tired, because you've been running through the Internet all day.
Are you Anthony Recker because I just wanna let you pull my dinger.
My name must be Ashley Young, because I'm falling for you.
Let's play soccer. You can be the goalie and I'll try to score with my Jabulani balls!
Are you Valdes? Because I want to teach you how to handle balls.
I know you love playing soccer, wanna play a soccer lover?
Hey girl, I'll give you a delay of game warning.
I only drool when I'm standing upright.
My blade's not the only thing made of steel.
Ever kiss a guy with no teeth?
Well if I can't score, can I at least get an assist?
Apart from being a running gear model, what do you do for a living?
I saw you have good running form; want to grab a salad tonight?
Wanna do some cross training?
I'll buy you spandex and spikes, because you deserve everything nice.
Are you sure that running vest is wicking? Because you look HOT!
I never have a false start.
Are you the 200 medley cause you take my breath away.
I'll call every ball out so we can stay in love.
You got my heart racing like a thermogenic.
Do you have your workout name? Mine is Master Blaster!
Hey, you wanna go grab a protein shake?
Wanna sit on my lap while I use the rowing machine?
How'd you like to come back to my place and sit on my feet while I do sit-ups?
Nice calves. Have you been working on them?
Are you getting big or are you just happy to see me?
Are you a defensive specialist because you could definitely dig me.
This court isn't the only place where I'm going to be diving.
