Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
I'll be the Rose to your Rosie.
Just call me baby, cause I wanna be inside you for the next 9 months
I'm working on a porn site. Wanna be in the first video?
You're so cute, I wanna lock you up in my basement.
If I said you had a beautiful body would you stop screaming?
Hey baby, I'm rich and probably going to die soon.
I should have brought my oxygen tank because you take my breath away.
I'm going to a funeral tomorrow...do you want to join me?
Wanna judge these reckless teenagers together?
You. Me. Dance floor. Now. Don't give me no ado about nothing.
Babe I just want to take you home and show you my big... medicine cabinet.
I like the look of your diaper. It would look even better on my bedroom floor.
Here in Australia it's already tomorrow, wanna know what we did last night? maybe we can repeat tonight?
Hey boy, I like your Irwin inspired outfit.
I slipped some Great Barrier Reefers in yur drink.
Would you butter my crumpet?
It's getting warmer and the snow is melting. Time for me to melt your heart.
Quebec wants to ban pit bulls… Except for the one in my pants.
I know a place that serves the best donair: My pants.
Can I explore your Northwest Passage?
Girl, I want to dip these 'timbits' in your mouth.
I want to pick burrs off of you.
Mi lost mi numba mi can get urs?
Yuh ave wan nice Colgate smile deh
Jah know, baby, mi woulda deh wid yuh enuh
Aye thickazz a suh you body big like dough, you cya mek mi spread you out inna mi bed!
Miss Universe, I feel like I could have you right now with a Red Stripe Beer.
I'm normlly not really upfront about these kind of things but.. baby I want you to mow my lawn...
Are we related? Cause my pappy done told me to keep it in the family!
I like that you don't shave...
I can't stop thinking about kissing your soft lips and running my hands thru your dreaded leg hair.
You know what they say about the size of a man's carbon footprint.
How about we go back to your place and cause some global warming?
Want to come over and feel my new bamboo sheets?
The seat of my vintage moped that runs on bio fuel is vegan leather.
Want to go back to my place and listen to this band before they sell out?
Hey. I like your new-old shoes.
You look like you have some darkness inside you. Would you like some more? And, by the way, I call my penis darkness.
Can I feed you blood?
Go out with me or I'll kill us both!
Are you a professional dominatrix?
Don't worry, none of this blood is mine.
I'd love to strum your g-string.
Hey baby... I wouldnt mind you being a dominant 7th chord. I could just resolve you all night long!
Hey baby, lets make like Common Tones and i'll Resolve to take you Home.
Baby when I use my vibrato on your G-string u'll take your Falsetto an octive higher.
When you speak, its like 1000 horns all in tune.
Im gonna make you go up an octave.
I'll let you be the dominant.
Don't worry, I play oboe. I can handle double the wood.
How about I make you breakfast and serve you a Champagne cocktail tomorrow morning in bed?
Would you like to do some wine tasting? I'll taste you first.
May I taste the wine from your lips?
Screw me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?
Screw me if I'm wrong, but aren't you extremely fugly?
Knick-knack, Paddy-wack, you just gave this dog a bone.
You're more fetching than my favorite ball.
I came here looking for a little tail.
When it all comes down to it (and I wouldn't have any other way), you're purrrrfect for me!
Wanna go pee up some lamppost?
Don Knick, Paddy-wack, only gave this dog a bone.
Hey there, beautiful... looking for an Alpha dog?
Will you be my meow?
Just call me Puss in Boots
How you feline? Because you're purrfect, I'm not kitten!
The brakes on your car are about as effective as using a wet paper towel to stop a speeding train.
Your car's fuel efficiency is a cruel joke, devouring gasoline like a ravenous beast and leaving your wallet in tears.
The seats in your car are as uncomfortable as sitting on a bed of sharp nails, punishing your backside with each jolt.
Do you believe in love at first shock?
Is your name Touchdown? Because I wanna scream it every time I score with you.
Are you a playbook? Because I can't seem to figure you out, but I want to.
Are you a football game? Because I can't wait to get you on my schedule.
Can I have a moment alone with your cooking? I'd like to savor every bite.
Hey chef, are you a fan of fusion cuisine? Because I think we'd make a great pairing.
Your cooking is so good, I'd even eat my vegetables for you.
You're like a Michelin star chef, but even better.
Hey chef, do you have a secret recipe for love?
I must be a good customer because I keep getting served by the most beautiful bartender in the place.
Are you a sandcastle? Because I want to build a future with you.
Do you have a stethoscope? Because I think we could take our relationship to the next level... and listen to each other's hearts beat as one.
Is your name Trout? Because you're making my heart trouting along with excitement.
Are you eggnog? Because you're smooth, sweet, and I can't get enough of you.
Are you a gift under the tree? Because I've been good all year and I deserve you.
I wasn't planning on staying up late tonight, but meeting you made it worth it.
Are you counting down too? Because I'm counting the moments until I see you smile again.
Why watch fireworks outside when the real magic is happening right here with you?
Are you goodwill? Because you're making me feel priceless.
Are you a motion to dismiss? Because I can't object to anything about you.
I must need CPR, because you've taken my breath away.
Are you a doctor's note? Because you're my reason to take a break from everything else.
You must be a white coat, because you're the symbol of everything I admire.
Are you a pipe? Because I'm completely connected to you.
You're like a new set of tools—exciting, shiny, and so useful in my life.
You're like the perfect flow rate—steady, reliable, and just right.
You're as useless as a professional snail trainer with a speed obsession.
It's not that they're stupid, it's just that their IQ is allergic to intelligence, and their brain is currently having a severe reaction.
Is that a shark in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Do you mind if I push in your stool?
Do you like the telletubbies? Because you look like Tinkie Winkie.
