Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word for...you get the idea. I'm Tiger Woods.
Man, you have to be a swimmer, because you blow everyone else out of the water with your good looks!
Do you believe in love at first squat?
Do you come here often? Because you are fit.
If you're a volleyball player, I think we can set up a date.
Right now, I'm craving pizza, but I'm craving you more.
Which commandment do you want to break?
My Mom says I'm the best kisser she's ever known.
You remind me of my dead ex-girlfriend.
I'm sorry did you say you drove the ski-doo, what's your ring size?
If you were a dessert, I'd drizzle Port and chocolate all over you.
I couldn't help noticing you're drinking the same wine as me. Are you trying to copy me?
Go apologize to your mother for not being a stillborn.
Every time someone calls you fat I get so depress I cut myself... a piece of cake.
With great penis, comes great responsibility
Could you watch my stuff while I go for a swim? (then ask them to join you.)
Do you play basketball? Because you're a slam dunk!
Smash or pass? In tennis I'll do both.
Work at McDonalds ? Because I was wondering if I could get a fry with such a shock.
I would actually like some fries with that shake.
I like my women like I like my wine - 18 years old and boxed up in my basement.
Hold on, I'll go find you a tampon.
We can still be friends.
Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap.
I wish you no harm, but it would have been much better if you had never lived.
You're the reason why women earn 75 cents to the dollar.
You know, Dr. Phil says I'm afraid of commitment...Want to help prove him wrong?
So there you are! I've been looking all over for you, the woman of my dreams
Did it hurt? ... when you fell out of heaven?
Are you a terrorist? ... cause you're the bomb!
Why did the man with a knife in his head cross the street? - He was dying to get to the other side!!
Why can't a Skeleton Lift Weights? - He's all bone & no muscle.
What falls at the North Pole but never gets hurt? Snow
Noah: I thought we had two turkeys when we left? Noah's Wife: Well, it is Christmas…
out standing in your field.
You've given me something to live for, REVENGE.
My parents are home, wanna come over?
You must be Egyptian because I'm a slave for you.
Eye for an eye? Nah, I'm more a kiss-for-a-kiss kind a guy
I would like to pray with you
Jesus loves me, one day you will too!
You're the capitol of every nation in my eyes! Except Djibouti. The capitol of Djibouti is also Djibouti.
Girl, you're more perfect that a McLaren MP4-12C.
Want to charge up with me?
You don't wanna go home with me? Objection!
I have an oral argument for you.
I've never won gold in the breast stroke, but that could all change tonight.
If everybody here accidentally drowned, the first bloated corpse I'd pull out would be yours, sweetheart.
Did you hear how I saved that little girl from drowning last month?
Your rubbers are looking a little used, I have some new ones, wanna try?
I got your mountain right here.
You'd sure look good in my milking boots.
I have a crockpot and I know how to use it.
I hear the Sylvester Stallone Film Festival got off to a rocky start.
I was studying in an apiary class. This resulted in me receiving a bee on my exam.
The statistician attended the dance stag. He didn't have any data.
An avionics warning is a flier alarm.
My brother told me that serpentine is what you use to get paint off a boa constrictor.
A swan's favorite salad is Cobb salad.
The fraudulent caged chicken farmer gave himself free range with his egg labeling.
Inheriting a million chocolate eggs doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.
I'll be your seeder of you'll be my leecher and we can torrent all night long.
Can I pinch hit on you?
I wield a big stick for a living.
Because I play soccer all of the time, I'm really good at footsie.
Wanna see my other stick that curves a little to the left?
Wow, you have really impressive forefoot strike.
There are two ways to get to your target heart rate: You can either run really fast me, or I can just take off my shirt.
Hey, are those running tights you have on reflective? Because I can see myself in your pants.
I'm going to go for two after I score.
I wish you were on the football team because I'd love to see your backfield in motion.
I'd love to touchdown in your end zone.
Have you been running because your hair is sweaty.
All of my gym buddy is to have a perfect body, but for me my goal is to have you.
Are you a volleyball? Because I'd dive for you anytime.
I know it's against the rules, but I'd love to touch you more than 3 times.
Your body is something I wouldn't wanna cover.
If I get a block on you, can I get your number?
If I don't get your number, I'm going to fall to pizzas.
I love pizza but I love you more.
Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it's too cheesy.
Hey girl. Have you been sun bathing? Cause you look Mmmmm... Toasty.
Girl, you should sell hotdogs, because you already know how to make a wiener stand.
You're twice as sweet as a creme brulee... and less drippy.
Has anyone ever told you've got beautiful fries?
Are you Little Caesars because you look hot and ready.
Will you be the burger to my smash?
You are what they call a bombshell and how lucky I am that you are mine.
You're an artist? I'd let you draw me naked anytime
Are you a traditionalist? Because your form is extraordinary.
Is this seat taken or are you a Sedevacantist?
By the many arms of Vishnu, I want to stick it in your butt.
If I were David I would want you to be my Bathsheba.
Can I kiss your Mezuzah?
I'd like to be more than just your brother in Islam.
Don't play with my mind, play with my boobs.
So do you have an oral or an fixation?
I enjoy long walks to the MEG scanner and one-on-one time with a participant in the Eyetracker.
I think I'm schizophrenic, because baby I'm delusional about you.
