Tech has its own humour, built out of bugs, deadlines, legacy code and users who have not tried turning it off and on again. This is our collection of tech jokes, ranked by reader votes, covering programmers, IT support, hardware and the internet generally. They work in a standup, a team channel, or on anyone who has ever been asked to fix a relative's laptop at Christmas. Some need a bit of knowledge to land. The ones about support tickets need none at all.
The Best Tech Jokes
Maybe if we start telling people the brain is an app they will start using it.
Hell is wallpapered with all your deleted selfies.
Programming is like sex; one mistake and you have to support it for a lifetime..
What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store? -- Guardians of the Galaxy.
I don't have to ask my kids to call me, I just change the Netflix password and then don't respond to their texts.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
There's a band called 1023MB. -- They haven't had any gigs yet
My email password has been hacked. That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
I entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
Wi-Fi went down during family dinner tonight. One of the kids started talking and I didn't know who he was.
I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
What does a baby computer call it's father? Data.
What was Forrest Gump's email password? -- 1forrest1
Smartphones are the new pacifiers
Database Admins walked into a NoSQL bar. A little later, they walked out because they couldn't find a table.
My internet is so slow, it's just faster to drive to the Google office and ask them shit in person.
I'm not anti-social... I'm just not user friendly.
Why do Java developers wear glasses? -- Because they can't C#
Any room is a panic room if you've lost your phone in it.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Calculus and drinking alcohol do not mix. So, don't drink and derive.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft… and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Why was the JavaScript developer sad? -- Because he didn't Node how to Express himself.
How do you catch an Ether Bunny? -- With an Ethernet.
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
Why did the developer go broke? -- Because he used up all his cache.
My New Years resolution is 4k.
A multicast packet walks into a bar, and then leaves through all the doors and windows at once.
Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas? Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC
I would tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.
8 bytes walk into a bar, the bartenders asks 'What will it be?' One of them says, 'Make us a double.'
Why do they call it hyper text? -- Too much JAVA.
In order to understand recursion you must first understand recursion.
If it weren't for C, we'd all be programming in BASI and OBOL.
An SQL statement walks into a bar, approaches two tables, and asks 'may I join you?'
I changed my password to 'incorrect'. So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say 'Your password is incorrect'.
A DHCP packet walks in a bar asks for a beer, waiter says ok but I'll need it back in an hour.
DNS is the root of all problems.
An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drinks, beer, alcohol
An SEO couple had twins. For the first time they were happy with duplicate content.
Waitress: 'Do u have any questions about the menu?' Me: 'What kind of font is this?'
What is a video game characters favorite martial art? Hitboxing!
