Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
You're like a clean audit opinion—rare and incredibly valuable.
Are you a CPA exam? Because I'd study you all night long.
Are you an adjusted trial balance? Because everything feels complete when you're near.
You must be my ledger, because my life feels perfectly balanced with you in it.
Are you a closing argument? Because you've convinced me to fall for you.
Are you my law professor? Because I could study you all day.
Are you voir dire? Because you're selecting all the right qualities in me.
Is your name Justice? Because you're what I've been searching for.
You must be habeas corpus, because you've captured my soul and brought it to court.
Are you an affidavit? Because you've sworn to steal my heart.
I'd waive all my rights just to spend more time with you.
You must be tort law, because you've caused some serious emotional damage—in the best way.
Are you a statute? Because you've codified everything I've ever wanted.
You must be a judge, because you've ruled over my heart.
Are you cross-examining me? Because I feel like I'm under your spell.
Are you an objection? Because you just overruled my better judgment.
You must be precedent, because everything about you sets the standard.
I'm no attorney, but I'd argue we're a perfect match.
Are you a deposition? Because I want to hear everything about you.
My love for you is like stare decisis—it's binding and unshakable.
