Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
Baby, I will blow your mind. Literally. With a bat.
Wanna come back to my place and see my itchings?
Your hospice bed or mine?
I've got a tiny blue pill with your name on it.
None of my children lives with me.
Did it hurt when you fell from the sky or have I finally made it to Heaven. If that's the case I didn't feel a thing!
Let's move things to the bedroom. We can use my stairlift.
My hips don't lie...except for the artificial one.
Let's make sweet love in the backseat of my car by the light of the blinking left turn indicator.
Either my pacemaker just shot craps or I'm in love.
Wanna sit on my lap and take a ride on my Hoveround?
You make me want to party like it's 1949!
Hey baby, is that a urinary drainage bag in your pocket, or are you glad to see me?
Baby is your name Cholesterol, because you send my blood pressure skyrocketing!
I'll meet you for dinner. Does noon work?
Can I share your oxygen tank? Because you took my breath away.
I'm retired, so you know I have the time to please you.
Is that your catheter line...or are you just pleased to see me?
Just gotta new hip replacement. How's about you and me take it for spin?
Do I come here often?
I'd walker with you to the ends of the earth.
Where have you been all my life? Because I'm about to die soon.
I'm 80 but I dont feel a day over 79.
My arteries aren't the only things that have hardened.
Do you live in a 100 meters area?
Sit in my lap and let's talk about the first thing that pops up, or until my legs fall asleep.
As long as I have this wheelchair, youll always have a lap to seat on.
How about I take you back to my place where we can get into a heated arguement about social security.
How about you try out your new teeth on my meat.
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and broke your hip?
Hey, can I borrow your Hearing Aid? My last girlfriend disappeared without returning mine!
Honey, you're playing with my heart. At least the dial that controls my Pacemaker.
By me a drink and I'll take out my teeth for a good time.
Hey, wanna good time? I bought some great Viagra back from Bali?
Getting lucky usually means finding my car in the parking lot, but tonight you can change that.
How about I take you home and show you my medicine cabinet!
No, I didn't have a stroke; I was actually winking at you.
Do you play bingo? Because I've seen you B4.
My teeth and I no longer sleep together, but you and I definitely should.
Hey, you still breathing?
Is that a Depends under your pants or are you just glad to see me?
I got a bottle of wine and a new pack of Depends in my scooter if you're feelin' frisky.
Is that a new hip or are you just happy to see me?
Hey baby, my boobs are looking right at your penis down there.
My kids are all grown up. We can have the house to ourselves, until I fall asleep around 7, 7:30 pm.
When I look at you, my arteries aren't the only things that harden.
Hey beautiful, they still let me drive. Wanna go for a ride?
I've fallen for you and I can't get up.
Let's get crazy and leave our teeth in tonight.
Wanna try out my new hip?
Let's get a nice drink of prune juice sometime.
Baby, you must be dentures because I need to take you out every night.
You remind me of someone I met during the summer of 1969, those were the best days of my life.
Your Nursing home or mine?
Hey, I just got my new teeth. Want to join me for dinner so I can test them out?
I got a pill I could take back at my place, if you could tell me where my place is.
Girl I'd fake being a blind old man, just to touch you inappropriately.
Do you want to get dinner with me? Must be between 4-4:30.
Why don't you and I share a sunset near the local pharmacy?
Where'd you get that pretty MedicAlert bracelet?
I got a pension and I'm not afraid to use it.
I've got a Victrola back in my room. Wanna hear my Sinatra record?
Ohh baby...you're making my arteries hard.
I wouldn't mind seeing you for the rest of my life.
I want to sweep you off your walker and into your wheelchair.
Your company is so delightful, I'm contemplating putting a new battery in my hearing aid.
Don't worry I won't bite... No teeth!
Is your name Viagra, cause I don't think they will be able to close my casket after a night with you.
Are you a cat lady? Cause I'm the cat whisperer cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.
Break my hip, not my heart.
May I take you to dinner? Next Monday would be best because that's when my social security check arrives.
Your senior assisted living facility or mine?
Can I carry your oxygen tank for you?
I've fallen for you and I can't get up! No worries though, life alert is on its way!
Do you believe in love at first sight, 'cause, if so, I'll grab my bifocals.
Everyday will be like our first day together cause I won't remember any of this tomorrow.
I would sink my teeth into that booty, but they might just stay there.
What's a nice girl like you doing in... wait, where am I?
As soon as I get my hip replacement, I'm going to hump you.
What's a nice girl like you doing in a nursing home like this?
You're never too old to turn new tricks...
I can't remember what sex is. Care to help me remember?
Have we met before? No, seriously, have we met before?
Do you really need that scooter? Because youve been running in my mind all day long.
Do you want the lights off or the teeth out?
I've got a handrail in my shower, babe!
Ever done it in a Craftmatic adjustable bed?
Your smile looks nice, but it would look better in a glass on my nightstand.
Waiter, you have an aged, dry white? Something to complement the little lady here.
Did you fall from heaven and you can't get up?
Is that a catheter in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
I must not have alzheimer's today because I remember how cute you are!
So, what was your name again?
Your name must be Alzheimer, because the Kaiser stole my pudding...
Sorry, but I couldn't help but noticing how cute you look in that ankle-length, shapeless, plaid jumper.
The doctor says I need more vitamin U.
Hey, can I get a ride to the pharmacy?
I'm dieing to see you. Literally. I don't have much time left.
Where have you been pretty much all of my life?
Is that a shattered hip, or are you just happy to see me?
