Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
Hey girl, is your leading tone a C# because all I can see coming next is this D.
Is that a fugue I hear? Because we're about to get entangled.
Can you please be the Treble to my clef?
Our voices are more than an octave apart. Let's get a little closer.
If you were my theory homework, I'd slam you on the table and do you all night long.
You make my heart go all staccato.
Would you like to borrow my tuner? Because you're looking pretty sharp to me.
Do you mind helping me work on my fingerings?
Darling, are you having treble? Don't worry, I'll be your strong bass.
You have a nice set of mallets.
Will you help with with my French technique?
Wanna strum my g-string?
Guitarists finger faster, you know.
I wanna rosin your bow.
Trombones can do seven positions, and baby, my favourite's on the floor.
Did you just move from a V to I chord? Because I think you're perfect.
Boy are you a fifth because you're perfect.
Can you sing low? Because I'm all about that bass.
Let's just cut to the chase and duet already.
Is that a microphone in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Save a drum, bang a drummer.
I wish I was your flute...then you could press my buttons and blow me all night long.
Lets go into the practice room and work on our tonguing, fingering and lip slurs.
You can tickle my ivories anytime, baby.
You are treble-y cute.
I see you play bass clarinet. You must like the bigger kinds of wood.
Baby, you'd better lower your pitch, 'cause right now, you're lookin' sharp!
If you were a solo, I'd give you a superior rating.
You can treat me like an ad lib solo, and play with me any way you want.
Hey baby, is your leading tone c#? Because I could see this night resolving to the D.
You make me crescendo.
You and i are like c and b# we look different but were the same at heart.
Altos know how to go down low.
I bet we'd get into some serious treble together.
If you were a saxophone, I could finger twelve notes on you with just my left hand.
There is nothing accidental about your body, baby. No sharps, no flats, all curves...
I want to make you tremolo.
Is there a triad in your pocket, or are you just augmented to see me?
Composers know how to score.
I love you more than 20th centrury composers love atonality.
I'm lower brass, and as you know, we get down like nobody's business.
If I poured you a glass, I'd use my good stemware.
If you were starring in a movie about wine, which character would you be?
Would you like to go for a vineyard tour next month -- in Italy?
I'd abstain from wine for month for just one night with you.
I hear you like wine. Well, if I tasted you, I'd roll you around on my tongue for hours.
You need a wine tasting partner? Because I ‘m something of a wine geek.
Excuse me, but I just ordered a bottle of wine, and it turns out my friend can't make it after all. I'd hate for it to go to waste. Would you care to join me?
May I put my bung in your barrel?
If only I were that wine you are drinking, because then I would already be inside of you.
If I tasted you, I'd roll you around with my tongue for hours.
I'm local, organic and biodynamic – wanna taste?
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
You're so cute, I could just bottle you and drink you up.
Would you like to plant a vineyard with me?
You're spicier than Syrah.
I bet you drink lots of wine because the antioxidants are obviously doing your body good.
Let's run away to New Zealand together. We can work harvest, travel the countryside and then stop in Figi on the way home to recharge
You're about as intoxicating as fortified wine.
Tell me you like GSMs? Let's head back to my place and I'll show you my version.
You know, I wanna go inside your wine cabinet and pull myself out a stiff one.
Hi. Can I get you a drink?
I can see you have a lot of grapes, how about a date?
This date is going so well, how about we drop everything and open a winery together. I've got the money, you've got the ideas and the connections, and we both have great taste in wine.
I'm driving to Paso Robles next weekend to scout out land for planting a vineyard ... would you like to be my co-pilot?
Do you like books? I heard Been Doon So Long is the perfect bedtime story.
Weather like this makes me just want to sit around a fire and drink wine all day.
Would you like to see me peel a grape with my teeth and my tongue?
You are like a bottle of fine wine. I want to take my time sipping and smelling you.
Your flawless beauty is like the wine in a bottle and still better than ever at this very moment.
Your lips are like wine and I want to get drunk.
I think I must have drank too much wine, because when you walked in, the room started to spin.
You had me at merlot.
I was sent a bunch of bottles of ultra-expensive California Cabernets to review and I could sure use another palate! Want to come back to my place and help?
Can I get your opinion on this wine? I think it's a little dryer than most.
What are you doing this Fall? Because I would love to make you part of this season's harvest.
You're so hot, you could make my wine mull with just one look.
Wow! I thought my wine had nice legs!
I promise, I'll last longer than a bottle of the finest Bordeaux.
I make a great steak dinner and have the perfect bottle set aside for just this occasion.
The view of the full moon in my vineyard is magnificent ... would you like to come over with a few friends and see it?
People say I'm a barrel of fun.
The way you look at me is making me turn as red as that glass of wine, please don't stop.
Would you like to help me bottle wine next weekend? I'll let you do the corking.
If I was going to name a bottle of wine, I'd name it after you.
You should keep drinking. I have heard wine makes me sexy.
Dance with me if I'm wrong but dinosaurs still roam the earth right?
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but I think slut shaming is cool. I'm very wrong.
Screw me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Gretchen?
Screw me if I am wrong, but you want to screw me, don't you?
You. Me. Bacon.
Have your people call my people.
Hello baby, know it has given me a new leash on life.
Sniff my butt. It's the quickest way to my heart.
What a great looking dog – can I pet you – I mean him?
Roll over. I'll scratch your belly
There's not a crate strong enough in the world to keep me from you.
Baby, you are what I call a hot dog!
Wanna come back to my place and pick fleas off each other?
My favorite position is doggie-style. What's yours?
