Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
Hey girl, is that an original Yo La Tengo 7†in your pants? Because your butt is extremely valuable.
My beard is the same length as Abraham Lincoln's was on his 7th birthday.
Hey baby, let's get coffee and vegan donuts.
Wanna go on a post-date?
I'd like to have you on vinyl.
Was that you at a Vivian Girls concert?
We go together like coffee and cigarettes.
Do you want to go to bed bath and beyond and smell unscented candles and tell each other what we think we smell?
Want to go dumpster diving in my alley?
Lemme add my app to your dashboard. If you know what I mean.
When's the last time you had a good macaroon?
There's an Arcade Fire ... In my pants.
I like my coffee like I like my women: ethical, fair trade, and organic.
I'm in my backyard...in my Eno... It's a double-nester.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together at an Pixies show.
Baby I see our relationship being like a good denim jacket: timeless.
Is that a pair of vintage Ray Bans in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Girl, I got an extra pair of TOMS that might fit you. Want to come over & try them on?
That ironic t-shirt you're wearing would look better on my floor.
Yeah, I was kind of a big deal at last year's Expozine.
Did you know that PBR actually stands for ‘Pretty Big Rod'?
I feel like we met at Whole Foods, because you make me feel complete.
Wanna meet my Cobrasnake?
Would you like to be my lock screen?
Hey girl you're as hot as my Venti double shot dark mocha macchiato with no foam.
I love you more than Dustin Kensrue of Thrice loves to write songs referencing fire...
Maybe it's just the PBR talking, but I could see myself in a non-monogamous relationship with you, or whatever.
In bed, I'm just like my fixed-gear bike: Extremely hard to stop.
You've got bike courier eyes.
It's a good day for the eno. Let's hang later.
You're sweeter than the agave syrup in my organic fair trade mint tea.
Do you Chemex? Want to see my drip?
Hey girl, I have a unreturned library book that I want to read to you tonight.
Hey, haven't we had sex in the bathroom at Green Room before?
I was in love with you before your ex was!
Hey girl, let's go get lost at IKEA.
Hey babe, I know you'll love my pick up lines 'cause you've never heard them before.
Are you a hipster? 'Cause we should go out and fog up our glasses!
Babe, I ain't no hipster, but I could make your hips stir.
Hey babe, are you gluten free tonight?
I'd like to play your cool B Side.
How about we try an experimental kiss?
I'd take my sun glasses off for you!
Let's get out of here and go fog up are non-prescription glasses.
Up for a little dominance and humiliation?
Can I impale you with my 7″ stake?
Are you a witch? Because am under your spell.
You couldn't be any hotter if you were dead.
Baby are you a diamond in the ruff cause I wanna cut you.
Worship me!
Wow. That outfit must make a lot of noise in the dryer.
Wanna go somewhere a little darker?
Are you a vampire? Because I've got something I'ld like you to suck.
Hey there, sweet-fang!
Are you a boy or a girl... or does it matter?
Wanna go for a ride in my porsche? It's black...
See that man in the corner? Vampire slayer. C'mon lets get out of here!
Bite me! No really...
Excuse me, miss? Hi, I'm doing a scavenger hunt for my fraternity rush, and one of the things on my list is a umm….weird chick.
So, are you a satanist?
You look good with skeletons.
You're depressed, TOO?!
Can I nail you? (and I don't mean to a crucifix!)
Ever do it on an embalming table?
Hey, you in the black!
Your coffin or mine?
Are you a grave? Because I want to bury myself inside you!
I wanna spin you upside-down like my cross.
I C Major potential in you and me performing a duet together.
Let's measure the interval between me, you, and our clothes all off.
Are you an F# because I miss you constantly.
I wish you were an augmented 6 chord so you could bring resolution to my raised member.
I'd like to finger your fret board.
Girl you must have swallowed a speaker, cause your beauty is louder than the rest.
How would you like to see my big organ?
You know where to best find music? Between the sheets.
Hey, you're a pretty great pianist. Better yet, your bae-toven.
Want to make some parallel motion back to my place?
You must be a fourth or a fifth, because you're just perfect!
A cello isn't the only interesting thing between my legs.
I just broke my G-string. Can I borrow yours?
Hey baby, what's your dynamic?
Me and you are perfectly tuned together.
When I'm with you, my heart starts to syncopate.
Do you believe in love at first set, or do we have to run it again?
Will your adjust your note and resolve my raised member?
Are you my new favorite song? Because I'd like to hear you on repeat.
Stop, you're giving me a woodwind.
You must be the fifth scale degree of a diatonic scale, because you're always dominant in my thoughts.
Saxophonists do it wish alternate fingering.
If my mind was a playlist, theres only one song in it, and the song is you.
Hey baby, there's no need to fret if your g-string is open.
So, do you prefer lento, andante, or allegro?
A mouthpiece isn't the only place I like to put my lips.
Baby, our love will be like the cello line from Pachabel's Canon, it's gonna go on forever.
How many positions can you get into?
How bout you come over here and let me put my damp-it in your f-hole.
Hey baby I play bass drum, so you know I could give you a nice deep bang…
Baby when we're done, you're gonna need a whole rest
Are you from the 19th Century? Cause you can be my Babethoven!
