Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
Are you the ball dropping at midnight? Because I can't take my eyes off you.
I've made my wish for the new year, and it's standing right in front of me.
Let's skip the small talk—can we fast-forward to the midnight kiss?
Are you champagne? Because you've got me bubbling with excitement.
I don't need confetti to feel festive—you're all the sparkle I need.
My New Year's resolution? To get to know you better.
You're like the perfect New Year's toast—classy, bubbly, and making my night better.
I didn't make any plans for tonight… except to meet someone as amazing as you.
Are you the first sunrise of the year? Because you're absolutely breathtaking.
I don't need resolutions when I've already found perfection—you.
You've got me feeling like a firework—ready to explode with excitement.
Are you time? Because I wish you'd slow down so I can enjoy this moment with you.
You're my favorite way to start the new year—with someone worth celebrating.
Midnight might signal the end of this year, but I hope it's the beginning of us.
I came here for the countdown, but I'm staying because of you.
Are you glitter? Because you're leaving your sparkle all over my heart.
I wasn't expecting to find my New Year's spark tonight, but then you walked in.
This year's been good, but meeting you just made it the best one yet.
Are you ready to toast to something unforgettable—like you and me?
If tonight's about leaving the past behind, let's start the new year together.
You're like a perfect countdown—exciting, thrilling, and leading to something incredible.
I don't need a resolution to know I want to spend more time with you.
My year just got a lot better, and it's because you're in it.
I'm not great at resolutions, but I promise to make you smile more this year.
Let's turn tonight into a story we'll still be talking about next year.
You're the spark I didn't know I needed to end this year right.
Are you champagne bubbles? Because you're lifting me up.
I don't need a clock to tell me it's midnight—my heart's already racing for you.
New year, same me, falling for someone as amazing as you.
Can I be your midnight toast? I'll promise to be bubbly and worth raising a glass to.
Do you believe in starting the year with a bang? Because I think we just did.
Let's not let the clock decide how tonight ends—how about we keep it going?
If you're the start of my year, I know it's going to be incredible.
I didn't expect to find a reason to celebrate beyond midnight—but here you are.
If tonight's about starting fresh, I'd love to start something with you.
Are you as excited for midnight as I am? Because I've got a kiss saved just for you.
I didn't need fireworks to feel the sparks—meeting you was enough.
Cheers to a night of new beginnings... and to you being in all of mine.
Are you an asset? Because you've increased the value of my life.
You must be a debit, because you've got my attention balanced.
Are you a journal entry? Because you've got me adjusting my priorities.
You're like my favorite ledger—every time I think of you, things just add up.
Do you believe in accrual love? Because my feelings for you just keep building.
Are you a T-account? Because you balance me perfectly.
You must be an audit, because you've uncovered all the best parts of me.
Are you FIFO? Because you've been first in my heart for a long time.
Are you retained earnings? Because I want to invest in you forever.
Are you my balance sheet? Because you're everything I've been looking for.
You must be a cash flow statement, because you make my heart run smoothly.
I don't need to reconcile my feelings—they're all in favor of you.
Are you an expense? Because I can't stop spending time thinking about you.
Are you depreciation? Because my resistance to you is decreasing over time.
You're like a tax refund—completely unexpected but absolutely wonderful.
Are you a CPA? Because you've certified my love as authentic.
Are you double-entry accounting? Because you're a perfect match for me.
You've got me doing emotional audits, and every line points to loving you.
Are you the standard deduction? Because you're making my life so much easier.
I must be a fixed asset, because my heart appreciates you every day.
Are you net income? Because you've become the bottom line of my happiness.
Are you revenue? Because every time I see you, my spirits increase.
Let's merge like companies, because together, we'd be unstoppable.
Are you inventory? Because I can't wait to count you as mine.
Are you my tax preparer? Because you've got all the right answers.
Are you a contingent liability? Because I didn't expect to fall for you this hard.
You must be an intangible asset, because I can't describe how amazing you are.
Are you my tax bracket? Because you're in a league of your own.
You've got my heart crediting love and debiting loneliness.
Are you a trial balance? Because everything feels right when you're around.
You're like my favorite spreadsheet—organized, efficient, and absolutely perfect.
Are you a variance report? Because you're an unexpected surprise.
You must be working capital, because you're keeping my heart running smoothly.
Are you a ledger? Because I'd trust you with all my entries.
Are you interest revenue? Because my feelings for you just keep growing.
I don't need to amortize my feelings—my love for you is instant.
Are you a balance sheet? Because my assets and liabilities are all about you.
You're like a tax credit—an absolute lifesaver.
Are you an internal audit? Because you've revealed how amazing you truly are.
I must be inventory, because my heart is turning over just thinking about you.
Are you cost accounting? Because you're adding so much value to my life.
You must be net profit, because you're what I've been working toward.
Are you tax-free? Because being with you feels like pure gain.
You're like a clean audit opinion—rare and incredibly valuable.
Are you a CPA exam? Because I'd study you all night long.
Are you an adjusted trial balance? Because everything feels complete when you're near.
You must be my ledger, because my life feels perfectly balanced with you in it.
Are you a closing argument? Because you've convinced me to fall for you.
You must be a legal brief, because you're concise, captivating, and to the point.
Are you an objection? Because you just overruled my better judgment.
You must be precedent, because everything about you sets the standard.
I'm no attorney, but I'd argue we're a perfect match.
Are you cross-examining me? Because I feel like I'm under your spell.
You must be a contract, because I want to sign my heart over to you.
Are you a deposition? Because I want to hear everything about you.
My love for you is like stare decisis—it's binding and unshakable.
Are you my law professor? Because I could study you all day.
You must be a judge, because you've ruled over my heart.
Are you a statute? Because you've codified everything I've ever wanted.
You must be tort law, because you've caused some serious emotional damage—in the best way.
I'd waive all my rights just to spend more time with you.
Are you an affidavit? Because you've sworn to steal my heart.
