Funny Police and Law Enforcement Pick Up Lines

The uniform does a lot of the work here, and these lines know it. This is our collection of police and law enforcement pick up lines, ranked by reader votes — arrests, handcuffs, speeding tickets, and the entirely inevitable jokes about being taken in for questioning. They work on officers, on people who have a thing for officers, and at fancy dress parties where someone has committed to the costume. A word of advice readers keep proving right: these land far better when the person is off duty. Delivered at a traffic stop, they have a strong historical record of making things worse.

Top Police Pick Up Lines

Describe the type of pick up lines you want:

You are definitely on my most wanted list.

I'm from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position.

Are you a parking ticket? Because you've got FINE written all over you.

Are you carrying a concealed weapon or are you just happy to see me?

Can I see your license, because I never knew angels could drive.

You'd better cuff me officer; I don't have planning permission for this erection.

I'll play good cop if you'll play bad?

I pulled you over because you were causing a moving violation... in my pants.

Somebody call the cops, because it's got to be illegal to look that good!

Girl, are you a cop? [No] Cause you're America's Finest

What can I say? You got me at homicide.

You want me to take you for a ride?

Once you cock my revolver, it'll inevitably go off.

Girl, you are under arrest for...taking my breath away.

Excuse me ma'am, there has been an heartbreak incident and I need your number to solve it.

If charm were contraband, you’d be the biggest bust in town.

You’re the only officer I’d gladly let pull me over—preferably somewhere with good lighting.

I’d like to make a citizen’s arrest—for being unfairly attractive in public.

I think someone reported a suspiciously attractive person, and now I understand why.

Are you a crime-scene photographer? Because I’d love a picture of us making memories.

Are you on night patrol? Because you’ve just brightened my entire evening.

I’m not looking for trouble, unless trouble comes with your phone number.

Could you handcuff my attention to you? It keeps trying to wander.

I was going to play it cool, but then you walked in and issued a warrant for my composure.

You have the right to remain gorgeous, but anything you say could make me fall harder.

You must be the chief, because you’re in complete command of my attention.

Are you a patrol car? Because my heart lights up whenever you roll into view.

I don’t need a background check to know you’re dangerously charming.

Do you offer community service? I’d happily spend time helping you choose a restaurant.

I’m guilty of excessive flirting, and I’m hoping you’ll be my accomplice.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I circle the block and try again?

I’m willing to waive my right to remain silent if you ask me about my favorite date spot.

You’ve got a badge, I’ve got a crush, and together we have a compelling case.

Is this a routine check, or are you always this good at making hearts race?

I’d never run from the law, but I might chase you to the nearest coffee shop.

You must have excellent instincts, because you noticed exactly how to steal my attention.

I’m prepared to testify that you’re the most attractive person in this jurisdiction.

Could you investigate whether we have chemistry? I have several suspicious findings.

You’re giving me a citation for excessive charm, and I’m pleading guilty.

I’d like to file a formal complaint: your smile has completely disrupted my concentration.

Are you a police report? Because I’d like to spend the whole night getting to know your details.

I’m no detective, but I’ve gathered enough evidence to ask for your number.

You have the right to remain stunning, and I have the right to buy you a drink.

If this is questioning, I’d like to request a lawyer—or just your company.

I was going to obey every law tonight, but then you made eye contact and changed the whole case.

Let’s skip the paperwork and make this a friendly first-date investigation.

You can skip the interrogation; I’ll confess that I find you irresistible.

Are you going to come quietly?

I will not hesitate to put my baton against you if you do not comply to me, miss.

There's A 2-1-1 In Progress, You Are Stealing My Heart.

I'm gonna have to cuff you and take you downtown.

Is your name "law"? 'Cause I'd like to lay you down.

Is your dad a traffic cop? Because you got fine written all over you.

Are you off duty? Because you’ve just arrested my attention and I’d like to post bail over dinner.

You must be a detective, because you’ve already solved the mystery of who I want to meet tonight.

Is that a badge, or did my heart just get pulled over for speeding?

I’m not resisting arrest—I’m actively surrendering my phone number.

I’d like to report a crime: someone stole the spotlight, and it was definitely you.

Are you a traffic cop? Because you’ve redirected my entire evening toward you.

I hope this isn’t a sting operation, because I’m definitely falling for you.

Is your name Probable Cause? Because I have a strong suspicion we’d click.

Are you a fingerprint technician? Because you’ve left an impression on me.

I promise not to flee the scene if you promise to stay for dessert.

You’ve got me tongue-tied, officer—should I call for backup or just ask you out?

Do you have a warrant? Because you’ve entered my thoughts without permission.

You look like someone who could make my alibi disappear over drinks.

I’m not a criminal, but I’d still like to be caught in your arms.

Are you conducting a patrol? Because you’ve been circling my mind all night.

I’d gladly take a speeding ticket if it meant being pulled over by you.

If stealing hearts is a crime, you’re going to need a very large evidence locker.

You must be good at paperwork, because you’ve got me filling out a form for a second date.

Are you an officer, or did you just make my pulse exceed the legal limit?

I’ve been told to cooperate with law enforcement, so how about dinner?

Excuse me ms, I'm going to arrest you for disturbing the peace... in my pants !!

Do I have to arrest you to get you to love me?

Your under arrest for not giving me your number.

Excuse me, ma'm. there's been a report of a deviant around. I'm going to have to dust you for fingerprints.

Babe you cant go anywhere actually cause I gotta 10-4 you to me.