GotLines - Pick Up Lines, Jokes and Insults

Funny Puns - Part 59

Puns are great and quick way to make someone laugh or give you a nasty look! Give it a go and see if your friend has a sense of humor. It's always funnier if they're slow to get the pun.

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The Best Puns

Seamstress is caused by wearing tight clothing.
Proper punctuation can make the difference between a sentence that's well-written and a sentence that's, well, written.
A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy.
John Deere had a lot of detractors when he announced his invention.
I got a nasty electric shock the other day, but I wasn't phased.
The rotting food in the garbage can behind the restaurant was covered with flies. To the vectors go the spoils.
Mail order cows were first shipped by raft down the Mississippi River. They traveled on cattle logs.
During the rainy season I spread out large books for my guests to wipe their feet on. These are the tomes that dry men's soles.
The fraudulent caged chicken farmer gave himself free range with his egg labeling.
When the Aztec warrior was about to be punished severely, he was so sad he was disheartened.
When our fraternity voted whether or not to permit alcohol, there was not a dry aye in the house.
The tap dancer's routine ran hot and cold.
The Junior NCO had sore wrists. The doctor said it was corporal tunnel syndrome.
People who listen to long political speeches are bulldozers.
A mosquito is the oldest known skin-diver.
Dorothy's dog, of the Wizard of Oz fame, always eats his food entirely - he never leaves any scraps because it's in toto.
I could not pull out of my parking space, so I used my back up plan.
You can't sing with a mouthful of garbanzo beans, so hummus a tune.
When the knight logged onto his computer there was the message, 'You got mail.' It was a chain letter.
When a female sheep turns around and goes the other way it makes a ewe turn.

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Seamstress is caused by wearing tight clothing. Proper punctuation can make the difference between a sentence that's well-written and a sentence that's, well, written. A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy.