Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
My nose isn't the only thing that's big.....
Unlike the torah, I'm gonna put my hands all over you.
I hope you're not married, because I'd hate to be breaking the Tenth Commandment right here in shul.
You see this shirt? It's made of Abba material.
Muslims are supposed to have many children, and I am willing to do my part...
Girl, is your name May? Cause, May i be your Imam?
Do you believe in the hereafter? Oh, you do? Then you know what I'm hereafter.
Shhh, don't worry, you'll repress that this ever happened.
Girl, I know you're studying psychology, but I would love to study you.
Are you my corpus callosum? Because I feel a connection between the two of us.
You are my belongingness to my Maslow's Humanistic Theory based on the Hierarchy of needs.
Even when I can't see you face-to-face, you are always in my visuospatial sketchpad.
Wanna come back to my place and do something you'll repress later?
Girl you make me want more cardiac muscarinic receptors.
Our love is like the duration of long-term memory: it is infinity.
Is that sign tracking, or are you just happy to see me?
Are you happy to see me, or is that just a defense mechanism?
I've got a great psychoanalysis couch back home, care to try it out?
You kick my sympathetic nervous system into overdrive!
I don't know much about Freud, but you remind me of my mother.
Boy, you activate my ventral striatum.
I'll be the neurotransmitter to your synaptic gap.
Mind if I put my cigar in your ashtray? This isn't just any cigar...
I'm conducting an experiment, wanna come spend the night over so i can interpret your dreams?
Hey, I understand you like him, but projection works.
Excuse me, can I sleep with you because I need to make copies?
Baby, all I see in my Rorschach test is me and you.
Baby you're like an independent variable the way you enlarge my bar graph.
If you were a drug you'd be a stimulant because you make my heart beat faster.
Can we recreate the Stanford Prison Experiment? You can be bad cop all you want.
Hey girl can I get your number in my Long Term memory?
Why don't you let me put my myelin on your axon for the night?
You've got spunk. I like that in a man.
Looks like you need some flame in your life.
Hey, you're beautiful. Sit on my face?
Is your name Katniss? Because you're sparking a rebellion in my district.
Are you an angel? Because I wish I was dead and if so, that'd be a great sign.
Girl you're so hot that I would still talk to you even after I'm off the anti-depressant pills I stole from my hospital's pharmacy.
Are you depressed? Because I see you in my future.
Baby, all of your facial parts are in the right spots.
Do you know what this shirt if made of? Woah, I didn't say touch it!
Is your name Siri? Because talking to you is making me feel uncomfortable.
Are you the exit? Because I always want to be near you.
Are you my phone? Because I can't stop staring at you in public.
Are you that weird mole I found? Becasue I don't stop thinking about you.
Are you a termite? Because you're about to have a mouth full of wood.
Just say yes now and I wont have to spike your drink.
It's hard for me to concentrate around you because all the blood from my brain has immediately gone to my penis.
I want to floss with your pubic hair.
I have a van out the back and there is free candy in it.
Do you think I could borrow that dress sometime?
There's this movie I wanted to see and my mom said I couldn't go by myself.
If I touch you, do you promise not to call the cops?
My couch pulls out, but I don't
Hi, you'll do just fine!
You're so good lookin' I'd drink your bath water.
I'm kind of new around here... can you show me the way to your apartment/house?
Hi, I'm a fashion photographer. Would you like to be in my next photo shoot?
Is your Dad in prison? If I were your Dad, I'd be in prison.
If your feeling down, remember, I'll feel you back up
Can you give me directions... to your heart? And kidneys?
Will you run away from me somewhere romantic?
I've got a crawlspace with your name on it.
I have a loaded gun, get in the car.
I bet it hurt when you fell from Heaven? I can help you get there if you'd like?
Baby, I will blow your mind. Literally. With a bat.
Wanna come back to my place and see my itchings?
Your hospice bed or mine?
I've got a tiny blue pill with your name on it.
None of my children lives with me.
Did it hurt when you fell from the sky or have I finally made it to Heaven. If that's the case I didn't feel a thing!
Let's move things to the bedroom. We can use my stairlift.
My hips don't lie...except for the artificial one.
Let's make sweet love in the backseat of my car by the light of the blinking left turn indicator.
Either my pacemaker just shot craps or I'm in love.
Wanna sit on my lap and take a ride on my Hoveround?
You make me want to party like it's 1949!
Hey baby, is that a urinary drainage bag in your pocket, or are you glad to see me?
Baby is your name Cholesterol, because you send my blood pressure skyrocketing!
I'll meet you for dinner. Does noon work?
Can I share your oxygen tank? Because you took my breath away.
I'm retired, so you know I have the time to please you.
Is that your catheter line...or are you just pleased to see me?
Just gotta new hip replacement. How's about you and me take it for spin?
Do I come here often?
I'd walker with you to the ends of the earth.
Where have you been all my life? Because I'm about to die soon.
I'm 80 but I dont feel a day over 79.
My arteries aren't the only things that have hardened.
Do you live in a 100 meters area?
Sit in my lap and let's talk about the first thing that pops up, or until my legs fall asleep.
As long as I have this wheelchair, youll always have a lap to seat on.
How about I take you back to my place where we can get into a heated arguement about social security.
How about you try out your new teeth on my meat.
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and broke your hip?
Hey, can I borrow your Hearing Aid? My last girlfriend disappeared without returning mine!
Honey, you're playing with my heart. At least the dial that controls my Pacemaker.
By me a drink and I'll take out my teeth for a good time.
Hey, wanna good time? I bought some great Viagra back from Bali?
Getting lucky usually means finding my car in the parking lot, but tonight you can change that.
