Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
Two antennas got married. The ceremony was dull, but the reception was excellent.
What do you call a bear with no ears? B.
My dog used to chase people on a bike. It got so bad I had to take his bike away.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
Why can't your nose be twelve inches long? Then it would be a foot.
Why did the toaster break up with the bread? It was always getting burned.
I told a joke about a roof once. It went right over everyone's head.
Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? He was outstanding in his field.
How many opticians does it take to change a lightbulb? Is it one or two? One... or two?
Why wasn't Jesus born in Ireland? -- He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Why did God invent whiskey? -- So the Irish would never rule the world.
Paddy and Murphy were walking down a road one day, Paddy said, Murphy, can you see that beautiful wood over there Murphy, I can't see, theirs trees in the way!
What is a video game characters favorite martial art? Hitboxing!
You know, Dr. Phil says I'm afraid of commitment...Want to help prove him wrong?
When God made you, he was showing off
So there you are! I've been looking all over for you, the woman of my dreams
Did it hurt? ... when you fell out of heaven?
Are you a terrorist? ... cause you're the bomb!
Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Oh wait, it's just a sparkle
I'm going to kiss you now. Say 'Kiss Me' if you want me to stop
What did the ghost say to the man at the coffee shop? - Scream or sugar!
What do witches use in their hair? - scare-spray
What do you get when you cross a vampire with the internet? - blood-thirsty hacker baby
Why did't the skeleton cross the road? A: He had no guts.
What's it called when a vampire has trouble with his house? - A grave problem.
Why does Dracula wear patent leather shoes? - Sandals don't look good with his tuxedo.
What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party? - A boo-tie.
Why did the man with a knife in his head cross the street? - He was dying to get to the other side!!
Why do skeletons drink milk? - To help their bones!
What's a skeletons favorite part of the house? - the living room
What did the teenage witch ask her mother on Haloween? - Can i have the keys to the broom tonight.
Why can't a Skeleton Lift Weights? - He's all bone & no muscle.
Maybe we should take a break.
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!
What kind of Christmas tree comes from Hawaii? O Tanning Palms!
What do sheep say to shepherds at Christmastime? Season's Bleatings!
Why couldn't the butterfly go to the Chistmas party? It was a moth ball
What do you call it when Santa takes a break from delivering presents? Santa pause
What do you call it when Cris Kringle claps his hands? Santapplause
Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters? They both drop needles
What falls at the North Pole but never gets hurt? Snow
Where do you find reindeer? Depends where you left them
Noah: I thought we had two turkeys when we left? Noah's Wife: Well, it is Christmas…
Wanna go for a bite? (Vampire)
Pardon me for drooling, but without my jaw, I can't help myself.
I don't know what the trick is, but you're certainly a treat.
Tricks aren't really my thing. But you're sure a treat.
I want to ask you out, but I've got butterflies in my stomach, and worms, and maggots...
I wish you were a vampire so we could do some necking.
I was going to go as a ghost but you'll get to see my sheets later.
Wow, that's one fantastic spread!
If we were around with Noah, then you, me, pair!
My parents are home, wanna come over?
I'd marry Leah if it meant I'd also get to marry you.
Hey, look! Matching Bible covers!
We talk a lot about being spirit-led. Well, the spirit led me straight to you.
My spiritual gift is my good looks... it lifts peoples spirits.
You must be Egyptian because I'm a slave for you.
I don't know if you noticed, but when you walked into the room, that was me giving up a clap offering.
You are perfect, except with all the sin.
Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Gilead.
The Lord taketh away… and the Lord… giveth me to you
I like you how I like the Sumatran Tiger. Saved!
Eye for an eye? Nah, I'm more a kiss-for-a-kiss kind a guy
I'm led by the Holy Spirit, and he led me straight to you
I would like to pray with you
If we were around at the time of Noahs Ark, we´d be paired as a couple
You're looking for a knight in shining armour? I just happen to be wearing the armour of God
Jesus loves me, one day you will too!
You really are a fisher of men cause baby you just reeled me in.
Like Moses led his people out of Egypt, I want to lead you out of being single.
I'd give you my heart, but I already gave it to Jesus, so you can have my number instead.
You're the capitol of every nation in my eyes! Except Djibouti. The capitol of Djibouti is also Djibouti.
You look like a trout, baby, and I want to catch you.
You've a beautiful chassis, two lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper.
Girl, you're more perfect that a McLaren MP4-12C.
Want to charge up with me?
You don't wanna go home with me? Objection!
Ouch. You stepped on my foot. I've got an idea for how you can mitigate your damages.
I have an oral argument for you.
That sure is a lovely set of lungs you are wearing today
I've never won gold in the breast stroke, but that could all change tonight.
I'm not bragging or anything but, I'm Merman.
Your skin is burning like my heart.
Did you hear how I saved that little girl from drowning last month?
Excuse me, do I need to buy a ticket for your fantastic voyage?
Your so hot, a firefighter couldn't put you out.
I am on fire, you wanna stop drop and roll with me?
Bet we could fit two in those bunkers.
They don't call me a hard man for nothing...
Sure you can figure 8, but can you follow through?
You have really nice forearms.
Nothing turns me on more than a long hard rock and some tuber.
Your rubbers are looking a little used, I have some new ones, wanna try?
I see two nice lookin' rocks I'd like to grab, do you mind?
