Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
I wasn't planning on staying up late tonight, but meeting you made it worth it.
Are you counting down too? Because I'm counting the moments until I see you smile again.
Why watch fireworks outside when the real magic is happening right here with you?
Are you goodwill? Because you're making me feel priceless.
Are you a motion to dismiss? Because I can't object to anything about you.
I must need CPR, because you've taken my breath away.
Are you a sterile environment? Because you've eliminated all my doubts.
Are you a pipe? Because I'm completely connected to you.
You're like a new set of tools—exciting, shiny, and so useful in my life.
You're like the perfect flow rate—steady, reliable, and just right.
Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning? -- It swells during the night!
Who was the most famous French skeleton? - Napoleon bone-apart
Which building does Dracula visit in New York? - The Vampire State Building.
I am drawn to your light. (Mothman)
You must be tired, because you've been running through my nightmares all night!
Excuse me, Miss, could you sign for this package? (Delivery Guy)
Good thing I'm here, it has to be illegal to look that good. (Police)
I'm a doctor and you look like you could use these shots.
Will you be my Valentine? I can wait.
You can take me home tonight, but only if Yuletide-y up your place.
out standing in your field.
You came from nothing, and you brought it with you.
High, I'm Will, God's will!
Don't walk away, babe. You may not think I'm perfect but Jesus thinks I'm to die for.
I'd like to be in a geostationary orbit around you.
You are the full Moon and I am the Star.
I can't promise you the moon and stars, but I can promise you Mars.
Baby, you make my rover raise its mast into a vertical position.
I don't care what Copernicus says, you're the only planet to me.
Hey baby, mind if I send my probe into your wormhole?
Hey girl, Can you show me how to fish?
Is that luggage in your trunk, or are you just happy to see me?
I'm a lawyer... Thrust me.
You're like an island where everyone wants to dock his ship.
Could you watch my stuff while I go for a swim? (then ask them to join you.)
Lane lines can't keep us apart.
If everybody here accidentally drowned, the first bloated corpse I'd pull out would be yours, sweetheart.
Damn girl! You look extra fine with that glowing tan.
I really like your swimsuit.
Hey, climb here often?
Is that your belay device or are you just happy to see me?
You look like you have excellent genetics and would be a fine mother. Wanna breed?
Wanna go with me to pick up parts and salt?
A red and a blue ship have just collided in the Caribbean. Apparently the survivors are marooned.
The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.
Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the TV.
The tap dancer's routine ran hot and cold.
The Junior NCO had sore wrists. The doctor said it was corporal tunnel syndrome.
A mosquito is the oldest known skin-diver.
Dorothy's dog, of the Wizard of Oz fame, always eats his food entirely - he never leaves any scraps because it's in toto.
I could not pull out of my parking space, so I used my back up plan.
You can't sing with a mouthful of garbanzo beans, so hummus a tune.
When the knight logged onto his computer there was the message, 'You got mail.' It was a chain letter.
When a female sheep turns around and goes the other way it makes a ewe turn.
Getting this job managing a country estate has put me off fried eggs. I'm a gamekeeper turned poacher.
You look this good and its only Saturday? I'd like to see you in your Sunday Best.
Let's become a potty of two tonight.
Are you Anthony Recker because I just wanna let you pull my dinger.
Is your name Ronaldinho? Because your ball control is amazing.
I can bend it better than beckham.
Let's play soccer. You can be the goalie and I'll try to score with my Jabulani balls!
Ever wondered why people call me the shooter?
Do you play basketball? Because you're a slam dunk!
I wish someone was there to alley-oop my air-balls.
May I put my balls in your basket?
Wow, you have really impressive forefoot strike.
Coach told me to keep my heart rate under 160 beats per minute, but then I saw you.
You lane or mine?
Smash or pass? In tennis I'll do both.
I'm tired of the singles action—how about we play some doubles?
I'll call every ball out so we can stay in love.
Are you getting big or are you just happy to see me?
Are you a defensive specialist because you could definitely dig me.
My spandex aren't the only thing that's tight.
Are you a top spin? Cause you got me hitting the floor.
Are you a volleyball? Cause I'd get my hands all over you any day.
Are you from Brazil because you look like you'd be good off your back.
Your love is like a cage. I can't escape it.
Are you a pizza? Because I don't want to share you.
I spelled out your name with the pepperonis.
Hey girl. Have you been sun bathing? Cause you look Mmmmm... Toasty.
Is your body McDonald's? Cos I'm lovin' it.
Girl, tonight I want you to be my mcdonalds...fast, cheap, and easy.
Work at McDonalds ? Because I was wondering if I could get a fry with such a shock.
Hey there, I bought you some fair trade, organic, vegan chocolate.
Do you like strawberries or blueberries? ‘Because I need to know what pancakes to make you in the morning.
Your food is making my mouth wet.
If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?
Want to learn how to truss with me?
I have a big tip for you but I'll have to give it to you in private.
I like your melons, can I taste them?
You're so sexy, I'd even let you fold my pages dog-eared style.
Are you a script from a previous show? Because I'll never forget you.
Bone of my bone. Flesh of my flesh. What are you doing Friday night?
Hey girl is your name Jerusalem cause i'm going to liberate your holy land.
The Holy Spirit is driving me into the wilderness of your temptations.
Girl, were you born on Diwali? Because you are a Pataka.
My life without you is like bhel without chutney.
Looks like you need some laying on of hands for the commission of sin.
I think it's time that we moved out of the Singles ward. If you know what I mean.
