Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
Your mom told me to say 'Hi' to you
You've given me something to live for, REVENGE.
Size matters not.
Come ride my star rocket and feel it explode, with the the thrust of two engines transporting my load.
Do you smell like fish? Because I like sushi.
I have a precedent that is long and deep.
You want to clone yourself? Now wouldn't that be just like you!
I can't find my rutabaga. I hope it will turnip.
There is a good reason why there are so many rabbits, baby!
I'll show you where Easter eggs come from - you may be surprised!
I'm in the mood to multiply, baby!
Can I buy you a Easter Egg or do you just want the money?
Is that your boyfriend? Because that'd throw a real wrench in my plans
They call me Derek Jeter because I got loose hips and I'm good at stroking balls away
Is your name Luis? Because I am hot as Figo without the ego.
So I heard you from across the gym. Do you make that noise for everything?
Saw you working out hard so I bought you a water.
Do you like yoga? Because I could downward dog you all night.
I would actually like some fries with that shake.
If you texted me every time I thought of you, you'd be blowing up my phone.
If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. But I is already in the middle of something with A, D and S, so I guess it wouldn't work.
I don't mean to be forword, but you seem fit for breeding.
Would you butter my crumpet?
The dying British soldiers won't be the only ones screaming in the night.
Are you British? Cause I wanna screw EU.
You want to dip your chips into my salsa?
I jumped the border to america...so I bet I can jump the border to you're heart.
I want to go up and down all your scales.
Can you teach me to fish? Because I want to spend all my time with you.
Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you "just don't understand"
Come here often, because you smell fishy?
Can I stick my rudder in your stern?
Do you want to get some tuna fish and field mouse pudding?
I'd swim up to 800 meters for your love.
You can be my chocolate bunny. I'll start by nibbling on your ears and save the rest for last.
I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness.
I'm not trying to impress you or anything, but... I'm The Easter Bunny!
Toi-let me be your valentine?
Have you ever met a detective electrician? They call me Sherlock Ohms.
Excuse me, you look familiar. Are you a famous basketball player?
You're the protien to my shake.
You're my Happy Meal & I'm your Big Mac.
Hey baby, why don't you and me go somewhere nice and pass the Bechdel Test together?
You are the sun the never sets on the British empire.
Black is cool, do you have any acid, sweetheart?
My love for you resemble a hairball. I can't hold it in.
Yes, that is a candy cane in my pocket, and I am glad to see you.
Um...if i told you that u had a hot body, would u take your pants off and dance around for me.
If all the world's a stage, then will yo be my lead?
Do you mind if I push in your stool?
Do you like the telletubbies? Because you look like Tinkie Winkie.
My love for you is like a fruitcake, nutty, spicy and unavoidable.
If you were a burger at McDonald's, you would be the new McShock.
Girl you're so beautiful you made me double fault.
If you can't make good morning coffee, its ok cause I got you as my morning coffee.
I need to break my fast. Can I have a date?
I'm gay, straighten me out! I'm joining the priesthood tomorrow
Dude, I'm an American Express lover... you shouldn't go home without me.
Hi, I'm the new Milkman. Do you want it in the front or the back?
I just brushed my teeth, ladies.
What do you call an Irishman who sits outside all night?
Paddy O' Furniture
Run your idea up the flagpole and see if anyone salutes it.
Is that a shark in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Go out with me and you won't be sari.
Girl, let's go invisible.
Would you like to come over for tea and crumpets?
You must be an accountant because I've put you on my payroll.
Got any sweater vests that need mending?
You can blow my org any day
Hey girl, you're giving me a pop-up store in my pants.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
What's the difference between a man and a condom? Condoms have changed. They're no longer thick and insensitive!
Roses are red and violets are blue. You are a sexy nurse and i'm Doctor Who!! See Doctor Who pick up lines
Are you chlorine? Because I wanna smell like you.
With great penis, comes great responsibility
The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key!
Are you fertile? I need a favor. (Why?) I need a baby by next summer in order to get my inheritence
He hit rock bottom and started to dig.
Q. What's pink and fluffy
A. Pink fluff
I like my women like I like my glasses, thick and black.
A blonde walked into a bar --
OUCHH!!!
Baby, you look like the boyfriend I never want to have...
Hey girl, do you know why they call me Gross Profit? Well actually, no one does...they just call me gross.
A man driving a car hits a woman. Whose fault is it? The man's. Why was he driving in the kitchen?
I'd like to finger your fret board.
What do you do if a bird shits on your car? -- Don't ask her out again.
Q: What do you do when your wife's staggering?
A: Shoot her again.
How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the stove.
Why does the blonde throw breadcrumbs in the toilet every morning? -- To feed the toilet duck
Why did the blonde wash her hair in the kitchen sink? Because that's where you wash vegetables.
Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.
