Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
Will you be the Alice to my Dietrich?
Sometimes it seems like our plans make more sense than His. Don't take the bait.
If loving you is a heresy, then let me be anathema.
I can stop praying to St. Anthony because I found you.
The only Confession I need to be doing is confessing my love for your pure heart.
That saree looks very nice on you. It would look even better off of you.
We are the reincarnated souls of two past lovers. It's our destiny to be together, you just don't remember our past life together.
By the many arms of Vishnu, I want to stick it in your butt.
Hey baby doll! Want to have four kids with me?
If I were David I would want you to be my Bathsheba.
I've been reading the Book of Numbers, and realized I don't have yours.
If you were a tear in my eye, I would not cry for fear of losing you.
Are you the iron rod? Because I wanna hold onto you for the rest of eternity.
Don't I know you from the pre-existence?
If you were the iron rod, I would hold on to you for all eternity.
Would you mind auditing me on the Happiness Rubdown?
Is that a cluster of body thetans or are you just happy to see me?
You remind me of a mezuzah... So, I'm supposed to kiss you, right?
Baby I'd nail you harder then we nailed Jesus to that cross.
Which commandment do you want to break?
Can I kiss your Mezuzah?
That yarmulke would look great on my bedroom floor!
Wanna get a drink sometime? I was thinking a glass of wine - I know this really great chuppah we can hang out under.
I'd like to be more than just your brother in Islam.
Next place I want to see your hijab is on my bedroom floor.
Don't play with my mind, play with my boobs.
So do you have an oral or an fixation?
I enjoy long walks to the MEG scanner and one-on-one time with a participant in the Eyetracker.
I think I'm schizophrenic, because baby I'm delusional about you.
Damn girl! You must be ovulating!
So you're still Straight? Have you met me?
Just call me baby, cause I wanna be inside you for the next 9 months
My Mom says I'm the best kisser she's ever known.
I'm working on a porn site. Wanna be in the first video?
You remind me of my dead ex-girlfriend.
The voices like your skin.
Hey baby, you look so good in those jeans I 'd like to chop your legs off.
If I said you had a beautiful body would you stop screaming?
That is a gun in a pocket and I am not pleased to see you.
Check my prostate if I'm wrong, but do I know you from somewhere?
Come here often? I seriously can't remember.
Hey baby, I'm rich and probably going to die soon.
You, me and the defribrillator, baby.
I should have brought my oxygen tank because you take my breath away.
I'm going to a funeral tomorrow...do you want to join me?
Wanna judge these reckless teenagers together?
You. Me. Dance floor. Now. Don't give me no ado about nothing.
Babe I just want to take you home and show you my big... medicine cabinet.
I like the look of your diaper. It would look even better on my bedroom floor.
Here in Australia it's already tomorrow, wanna know what we did last night? maybe we can repeat tonight?
You must be Australian because you've turned my life upside-down.
Hey boy, I like your Irwin inspired outfit.
I slipped some Great Barrier Reefers in yur drink.
It's getting warmer and the snow is melting. Time for me to melt your heart.
Quebec wants to ban pit bulls… Except for the one in my pants.
I know a place that serves the best donair: My pants.
Can I explore your Northwest Passage?
Girl, I want to dip these 'timbits' in your mouth.
I want to pick burrs off of you.
I'm sorry did you say you drove the ski-doo, what's your ring size?
A fiddle isn't the only thing my fingers know their way around.
Mi lost mi numba mi can get urs?
Yuh ave wan nice Colgate smile deh
Mi wudda climb a makka tree naked fi yuh
Jah know, baby, mi woulda deh wid yuh enuh
Aye thickazz a suh you body big like dough, you cya mek mi spread you out inna mi bed!
Miss Universe, I feel like I could have you right now with a Red Stripe Beer.
Ay caramba! You're hotter than a jalepeño in the Mexican desert.
What do I have to say to your world to turn your, how do I say, enchiladas?
You are as pretty as a Green card.
Are we related? Cause my pappy done told me to keep it in the family!
Did it hurt, when you fell off your horse?
Girl, I'm like a champion bull rider, most of the time, I can last for almost 8 seconds.
You sure make me wish I hadn't crapped my pants when that bull charged.
Wanna see how much horsepower is under ma hood?
I like that you don't shave...
You know what they say about the size of a man's carbon footprint.
How about we go back to your place and cause some global warming?
Want to come over and feel my new bamboo sheets?
The seat of my vintage moped that runs on bio fuel is vegan leather.
Want to go back to my place and listen to this band before they sell out?
Hey. I like your new-old shoes.
Call me morbid, call me pale, call me yours.
Hey, I'm looking for a second girlfriend. How about you?
Excuse me, miss? Hi, I'm doing a scavenger hunt for my fraternity rush, and one of the things on my list is a umm….weird chick.
Can I feed you blood?
Go out with me or I'll kill us both!
Didn't I go to your funeral?
Are you a professional dominatrix?
Are you here alone or am I gonna have to kill someone to win your affection.
Don't worry, none of this blood is mine.
I'd love to strum your g-string.
Hey baby... I wouldnt mind you being a dominant 7th chord. I could just resolve you all night long!
Hey baby, lets make like Common Tones and i'll Resolve to take you Home.
Baby when I use my vibrato on your G-string u'll take your Falsetto an octive higher.
When you speak, its like 1000 horns all in tune.
The theme of this movement is love... Let's develop it...
Im gonna make you go up an octave.
I'll let you be the dominant.
Don't worry, I play oboe. I can handle double the wood.
