Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
My Mom says I'm the best kisser she's ever known.
I'm working on a porn site. Wanna be in the first video?
You remind me of my dead ex-girlfriend.
The voices like your skin.
Hey baby, you look so good in those jeans I 'd like to chop your legs off.
If I said you had a beautiful body would you stop screaming?
That is a gun in a pocket and I am not pleased to see you.
Check my prostate if I'm wrong, but do I know you from somewhere?
Come here often? I seriously can't remember.
Hey baby, I'm rich and probably going to die soon.
You, me and the defribrillator, baby.
I should have brought my oxygen tank because you take my breath away.
I'm going to a funeral tomorrow...do you want to join me?
Wanna judge these reckless teenagers together?
You. Me. Dance floor. Now. Don't give me no ado about nothing.
Babe I just want to take you home and show you my big... medicine cabinet.
I like the look of your diaper. It would look even better on my bedroom floor.
Here in Australia it's already tomorrow, wanna know what we did last night? maybe we can repeat tonight?
You must be Australian because you've turned my life upside-down.
Hey boy, I like your Irwin inspired outfit.
I slipped some Great Barrier Reefers in yur drink.
It's getting warmer and the snow is melting. Time for me to melt your heart.
Quebec wants to ban pit bulls… Except for the one in my pants.
I know a place that serves the best donair: My pants.
Can I explore your Northwest Passage?
Girl, I want to dip these 'timbits' in your mouth.
I want to pick burrs off of you.
I'm sorry did you say you drove the ski-doo, what's your ring size?
A fiddle isn't the only thing my fingers know their way around.
Mi lost mi numba mi can get urs?
Yuh ave wan nice Colgate smile deh
Mi wudda climb a makka tree naked fi yuh
Jah know, baby, mi woulda deh wid yuh enuh
Aye thickazz a suh you body big like dough, you cya mek mi spread you out inna mi bed!
Miss Universe, I feel like I could have you right now with a Red Stripe Beer.
Ay caramba! You're hotter than a jalepeño in the Mexican desert.
What do I have to say to your world to turn your, how do I say, enchiladas?
You are as pretty as a Green card.
Are we related? Cause my pappy done told me to keep it in the family!
Did it hurt, when you fell off your horse?
Girl, I'm like a champion bull rider, most of the time, I can last for almost 8 seconds.
You sure make me wish I hadn't crapped my pants when that bull charged.
Wanna see how much horsepower is under ma hood?
I like that you don't shave...
You know what they say about the size of a man's carbon footprint.
How about we go back to your place and cause some global warming?
Want to come over and feel my new bamboo sheets?
The seat of my vintage moped that runs on bio fuel is vegan leather.
Want to go back to my place and listen to this band before they sell out?
Hey. I like your new-old shoes.
Call me morbid, call me pale, call me yours.
Hey, I'm looking for a second girlfriend. How about you?
Can I feed you blood?
Go out with me or I'll kill us both!
Didn't I go to your funeral?
Are you a professional dominatrix?
Are you here alone or am I gonna have to kill someone to win your affection.
Don't worry, none of this blood is mine.
I'd love to strum your g-string.
Hey baby... I wouldnt mind you being a dominant 7th chord. I could just resolve you all night long!
Hey baby, lets make like Common Tones and i'll Resolve to take you Home.
Baby when I use my vibrato on your G-string u'll take your Falsetto an octive higher.
When you speak, its like 1000 horns all in tune.
The theme of this movement is love... Let's develop it...
Im gonna make you go up an octave.
I'll let you be the dominant.
Don't worry, I play oboe. I can handle double the wood.
Let's do something romantic cause I'm baroque!
How about I make you breakfast and serve you a Champagne cocktail tomorrow morning in bed?
Would you like to do some wine tasting? I'll taste you first.
I think we could make beautiful wine together.
If you were a dessert, I'd drizzle Port and chocolate all over you.
I couldn't help noticing you're drinking the same wine as me. Are you trying to copy me?
May I taste the wine from your lips?
Screw me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?
Screw me if I'm wrong, but aren't you extremely fugly?
Knick-knack, Paddy-wack, you just gave this dog a bone.
You're more fetching than my favorite ball.
I came here looking for a little tail.
When it all comes down to it (and I wouldn't have any other way), you're purrrrfect for me!
Wanna go pee up some lamppost?
Hey gurlll want to help me bury my bone?
Don Knick, Paddy-wack, only gave this dog a bone.
Hey there, beautiful... looking for an Alpha dog?
Will you be my meow?
Just call me Puss in Boots
The brakes on your car are about as effective as using a wet paper towel to stop a speeding train.
Your car's fuel efficiency is a cruel joke, devouring gasoline like a ravenous beast and leaving your wallet in tears.
The seats in your car are as uncomfortable as sitting on a bed of sharp nails, punishing your backside with each jolt.
Is your dad a terrorist? Because you're the bombshell that nobody wants around.
Do you believe in love at first shock?
You must be a transformer because you're transforming my day into something special.
Is your name Touchdown? Because I wanna scream it every time I score with you.
Are you a playbook? Because I can't seem to figure you out, but I want to.
Are you a football game? Because I can't wait to get you on my schedule.
Can I have a moment alone with your cooking? I'd like to savor every bite.
Hey chef, are you a fan of fusion cuisine? Because I think we'd make a great pairing.
Your cooking is so good, I'd even eat my vegetables for you.
You're like a Michelin star chef, but even better.
