Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
So, read any good Surahs lately?
Your boots remind me of red velvet cake, and I love red velvet cake.
So you're still Straight? Have you met me?
I got u something special baby, it's the condom I used when I lost my virginity
Got two nipples for a dime?
I wanna eat the flavors off your tampon
Was your daddy a thief? I'm not. I'm a serial killer.
I like my women like I like my wine - 18 years old and boxed up in my basement.
Hey babe, wanna come over to my place and compare prescription drug plans?
I liverspotted you from across the bar?
Wish I was British so I could say "could you polish me nob?"
If you want to see a castle, I'll show you a castle.
We fit together like a gitch in a wedgie.
You've got beauty like Petit Champlain and curves like Bonhomme.
I'll get your tides flowing.
I love you more than my mom loves Céline Dion.
Want to see my Canadian Tire money?
Jamaican me feel good so come on now and let us just do things only the two of us can, babe.
I'm normlly not really upfront about these kind of things but.. baby I want you to mow my lawn...
I would totally lick your guacaholey.
Yeah I own my home; it's on the back of my truck.
I can't stop thinking about kissing your soft lips and running my hands thru your dreaded leg hair.
You look like you have some darkness inside you. Would you like some more? And, by the way, I call my penis darkness.
Is that your boyfriend? I think you can do better than that!
I'd like to tie you to a rafter and fuck you up and down.
Yes I drink blood. You wouldn't happen to be menstruating now, would you?
You know, even my penis sheath is black velvet!
No, no, no... what's your REAL name?
You remind me of my dead ex-girlfriend.
Baby, you know soprano's do it on top, but I'd be willing to be an alto for you.
You're a Major part of my life. Without you, I'd B flat.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Richard?
I don't know who let the dogs out but I'm sure glad they did.
When I say 'bitch', I mean it as a compliment!
How you feline? Because you're purrfect, I'm not kitten!
I've seen roadkill that's more appealing than your sorry excuse for a face, you monstrosity.
Are you a quarterback sneak? Because you've caught me off guard.
Hey chef, can I be your taste tester for the night?
Your cooking skills are impressive, but what really sets you apart is your ability to make my heart skip a beat.
Can I make your first memory of the new year a great one? How about you let me be your midnight kiss?
Are you a doctor's note? Because you're my reason to take a break from everything else.
You must be a white coat, because you're the symbol of everything I admire.
You're like a perfectly sealed joint—everything just fits.
You're like my favorite fitting—impossible to live without.
A magician was driving down the road -- then he turned into a drive way.
I don't know you, but I think I love you already
I feel like God's telling me that you should go on a date with me.
You... complete me. That is, after Jesus completes me. You're like the gluten in my communion bread.
God told me I can break my fast for you.
Do you want to be accountability partners?
You are so unblemished that I would sacrifice you.
You make me want to be a better tither.
I like my men/woman like I like my bible… full of Jesus
If I was a planet and you my moon, I'd stop spinning just by looking at you.
Those clothes look nice on you. They'd look even nicer flat-packed in a Dragon and being delivered to you on the ISS.
Can I put my dipstick in your oil hole?
Do you want to see my snake on the beach?
Tonight, your dick better perform a perfect arabesque, if you know what I mean!
My parents don't live on the same acreage.
Why don't you come to my farm and check out my high tunnel?
I stole someone else's idea for a stage drama. Am I a playgiarist?
I came here looking for a little tail.
I live in a cage full of Cedar shavings vibration.
Hey Girl! Let's mate like rabbits.
Is your father a plumber? Because when you come in the room, it seems so clogged.
Girl I'm an Electrician, I can turn your lights on.
You can call me the A's because I'm destroying that Kitty right now
What's long and hard and intimidates everyone? My BAT. Isn't it adorable?
Is that a batting glove in your pocket, or do you have kind of a lumpy butt? Cuz if you do, that's cool. I'm not picky.
I wield a big stick for a living.
You be the Knicks and I'll bring the Heat!
I'm a good ball handler, what about you?
Hey girl. What's your bracket lookin like this year?
Why go to the gym when you could be getting a work out at my place?
I wanna get your heart rate going.
Shhhh. No need for words. You had me at Muay Thai Plum.
I love pizza but I love you more.
Are you pizza because I want a piece of you.
A 9 hour time difference wouldn't keep me from you.
Are you glow tape? Cause you're all I can see.
So would you like to make 4 babies with me?
They told me that I'd feel the spirit at church, not that I'd see an angel!
I just got off my mission and I'm looking for my next companion.
I've got an E-meter for two back at my pad.
I'll be the Rose to your Rosie.
You're so cute, I wanna lock you up in my basement.
I would drag my balls through 200 yards of broken glass to kiss the dick that fucked you last.
You give me an Assiniboiner.
I can name something that's longer than Confederation Bridge.
You look familiar; didn't I see you writhing around on the filthy floor of a dive bar on Last Night?
So, are you a goth? Wanna' get coffee?
Let's make music on my sheets.
Are you a football huddle? Because I want to be in the middle of you.
Do you play defense? Because whenever I'm around you, I can't seem to score.
Are you a seashell? Because I can't help but pick you up and keep you close.
Are you a level? Because everything feels perfectly balanced when you're around.
Tag! You're it! then pretend to run away
