Are you a balance sheet? Because my assets and liabilities are all about you.
You’re like a tax credit—an absolute lifesaver.
You must be accounts receivable, because I’ve been waiting for you my whole life.
Are you an internal audit? Because you’ve revealed how amazing you truly are.
I must be inventory, because my heart is turning over just thinking about you.
Are you cost accounting? Because you’re adding so much value to my life.
You must be net profit, because you’re what I’ve been working toward.
Are you tax-free? Because being with you feels like pure gain.
You’re like a clean audit opinion—rare and incredibly valuable.
Are you a CPA exam? Because I’d study you all night long.
Are you an adjusted trial balance? Because everything feels complete when you’re near.
You must be my ledger, because my life feels perfectly balanced with you in it.
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Was it a work-related injury? We can sue for damages.
How'd you like to come back to my place for a little actus reus?
I'll be the accessory if you'll be the principal.
It's not about how big your gavel is, it's about how hard you bang it.
I got your jurisdiction right here.
Tomorrow morning I'll have personal jurisdiction over you because we're about to make some significant contacts.
I'd have to plead insanity if I ever left you.
How about we head back to my place, and we make a nudum pactum?
I won't object to your excited utterances.
Your booty is asking for some cruel and unusual punishment.
I might need you to take a closer look at these briefs.
Can I get your number? One call, that's all.
Wnna submit to binding arbitration?
You are crushing my heart, the way the rule against perpetuities crushes a contingent remainder.
You must be a mala prohibitum offense, because you have FINE written all over you!
Want to make some motions together?
Your body is 'ultra vires', it's beyond my power to control myself around you.
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