Where'd you get that pretty MedicAlert bracelet?
I got a pension and I'm not afraid to use it.
I've got a Victrola back in my room. Wanna hear my Sinatra record?
Ohh baby...you're making my arteries hard.
I wouldn't mind seeing you for the rest of my life.
I want to sweep you off your walker and into your wheelchair.
Your company is so delightful, I'm contemplating putting a new battery in my hearing aid.
Don't worry I won't bite... No teeth!
Is your name Viagra, cause I don't think they will be able to close my casket after a night with you.
Are you a cat lady? Cause I'm the cat whisperer cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.
Break my hip, not my heart.
May I take you to dinner? Next Monday would be best because that's when my social security check arrives.
Your senior assisted living facility or mine?
Can I carry your oxygen tank for you?
I've fallen for you and I can't get up! No worries though, life alert is on its way!
Do you believe in love at first sight, 'cause, if so, I'll grab my bifocals.
Everyday will be like our first day together cause I won't remember any of this tomorrow.
I would sink my teeth into that booty, but they might just stay there.
What's a nice girl like you doing in... wait, where am I?
As soon as I get my hip replacement, I'm going to hump you.
What's a nice girl like you doing in a nursing home like this?
You're never too old to turn new tricks...
I can't remember what sex is. Care to help me remember?
Have we met before? No, seriously, have we met before?
Do you really need that scooter? Because youve been running in my mind all day long.
Do you want the lights off or the teeth out?
I've got a handrail in my shower, babe!
Ever done it in a Craftmatic adjustable bed?
Your smile looks nice, but it would look better in a glass on my nightstand.
Waiter, you have an aged, dry white? Something to complement the little lady here.
Did you fall from heaven and you can't get up?
Is that a catheter in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
I must not have alzheimer's today because I remember how cute you are!
So, what was your name again?
Your name must be Alzheimer, because the Kaiser stole my pudding...
Sorry, but I couldn't help but noticing how cute you look in that ankle-length, shapeless, plaid jumper.
The doctor says I need more vitamin U.
Hey, can I get a ride to the pharmacy?
I'm dieing to see you. Literally. I don't have much time left.
Where have you been pretty much all of my life?
Is that a shattered hip, or are you just happy to see me?
Are those your tits in your socks or are you just happy to see me?
I am cooking out so if you want some juicy sausage come on over.
Are both of those teeth real?
Hey babeh, are you a film actress? Cus I want you in mah trailer.
Wanna ride my Monster truck?
I just got back from fishing. Want to see my rod?
Your peroxide blonde hair looks good, but I would like to see if you are a true blonde.
Hey baby, why do you think they call it a pick-up truck?
You can't handle the tooth!
Girl you must be my cousin because I wanna do you.
My home is where I park it
God wants us to be together. That's why he gave us the same parents.
Wanna find out if my shotgun shell will fit in your double barrel?
Well, aren't you hotter than a mama cougar in heat running from my hunting dogs in August?
Hey baby, wanna go back to my place? Mamma said you had to be home by 10 anyway.
You look good in that lumberjack shirt but I would like to see you out of it.
Hey babe, do you know that my mouth can generate over 3000 rpm?
You are prettier than a beer truck pulling up in the driveway.
Roses are red. Spend the night with me and I'll teach you all kinds of cool scientific stuff like that!
Tell me honey ham, did it hurt when the devil spit you up and you landed here?
You're a better kisser than your Momma and both yer sisters.
If you were a horse, I'd ride you all over town.
I ain't no donkey herder, but I could wrangle that ass.
Wanna come back to my place, babe? I'm a thoroughbred.
What size boot you wear girl?
Hey girl, do you raise cattle? Cause those are some nice calves.
If you was my heifer, I'd done drive you to the meat processing plant.
Girl, I know how to shove my hips, I do it for a living!
Does it smell like weed...Or is it just you?
Let's go rainbow searching and fountain swimming so I know it's real.
I don't normally go down on girls, but I can't resist the way you play them bongos.
I'd be willing to give up meat — but I'd never give up you.
My heart is certified cage-free, so my love can roam to you.
Wanna go to my parent's basement and make a POC.
I'm a conscientious subjector.
I can tie cherry stems into dreads with my tongue.
Let's get trippy together barefoot.
My van's parked outside. Let's say you and I just take a ride down to the beach and check out the stars?
Your organic cotton t-shirt looks really soft. Can I feel it?
Hello, perhaps I could have someone else buy you a drink?
Do yoga with me as the sun is rising?
If we were trees. We'd be of the same species.
Let's take off each other's clothes... and then run in the fields together.
Wanna go back to my place for a little "fair trade?"
I just love the way you've styled the hair on your legs. Do the cornrows go all the way up?
Damn girl, I hope you have an open mind because I have quite the night planned for us.
Wanna come back to my place to discuss complex interrelated cultural and political trends?
You and me together would be totally groovy baby!
If you join this drum circle you're sure to get a good bang.
That's a nice hammock. Does it fit two?
Hey baby, I've got you two tickets to the gun show...Let's use them to go and protest gun-related violence!
I'm undressing you with my 3rd eye.
My carbon footprint is the only part of me that's small.
Turn on, tune in, drop your pants.
I'd share my bar of soap with you.
If I told you you had a beautiful Prius, would you hold it against me?
I like you so much, you make me want to update my Facebook status to In a Relationship.
